I dont now what i am doing here anymore i don’t want to be here but im to scared about leaving the two people that care about me. I’ve been doing self harm for about 3 years now my parents don’t know the only people that do are my bf and 3 friends.
i feel like i dont belong here anymore like i dont fit in and if im not pretty then there really is no purpose of being here.
i feel like im a burden to my friends and everyone who knows about my problems. i also feel like my problems are even a big deal and like it’s just me in my head or it’s because i’m too weak to handle my problems and to hard to stop cutting.
And if i could handle my problems in the first place and was strong enough to take what life threw at me than i would not be having these problems.
I don’t wanna be here anymore and i wanna get rid of all the shit in my life and leave cuz i’m not getting better im getting worse and i don’t think i’m ever gonna get better
I feel so alone even tho i have a bf, it’s not that he’s not enough i just still feel alone and i feel numb like the only way i can feel some thing is by cutting.
I dont know what to do anymore and i dont wanna stay here
im just so stressed out and i wish i didn’t have these problems and like i could just forget about it
i just need advice
i’ve prepared to leave at sum point i wrote a note and was ready to go i was gonna overdoes and never wake up and i feel like i should do it
I just dont matter
Friend, you matter. Your life matters. What you are going through matters. What you have to express, to say, matters. And I’m glad you found enough strength in yourself to actually share about all of this.
I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with self-harm for such a long time. My experience with it is very different, but I had my share of harmful ways to cope with life, in the past. And I know it’s hard not to feel very alone in this. Also not to convince yourself that you are the worst person on earth. I hear your disappointment, your exhaustion, your fear to be a burden to others. But I can assure you: you’re not a burden at all. You’ve been very brave to fight and to keep fighting through the years. Sometimes, the journey becomes more tough, but it doesn’t mean it’s the end. It only means that, maybe, your strategy has to be changed, so you can take care of yourself in a better way.
I’m glad you shared about your difficulties with your friends. It shows that you trust them and it’s very, very precious to be shown that you are not alone in this. And now that you just posted this, know that this community is rooting for you and we’re all willing to support you as much as possible.
And if i could handle my problems in the first place and was strong enough to take what life threw at me than i would not be having these problems.
I understand why you think that way, but it’s really not about you being strong or not. Sure, in our societies we tend to grow up with the idea that we have to hide our feelings, that our personal motivation is supposed to make us be like Superman. But the truth is: life can be tough. And healing is not only about willpower. Otherwise, mental health in general wouldn’t be such an important part of our lives.
You are not weak. You are in fact, very strong. You’ve been through many difficult days/moments and you are here, right now. You have breath in your lungs. You are alive. And you can keep moving on.
I hope you are safe right now. I hope you’ll take some time to get rid of this note, as a symbolic way to stand up for yourself, for your life.
Though, if you feel like your mind is spiraling, if you feel like giving up, please reach out to a crisis line:
- Crisis text line - text HOME to 741741
- Suicide hotline - 1-800-273-8255
- National suicide prevention chat - http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
You are not alone, okay? You are seen, you are loved and you matter. There is more to see and more to live for you. Better experiences.
I feel so alone even tho i have a bf, it’s not that he’s not enough i just still feel alone and i feel numb like the only way i can feel some thing is by cutting.
I’m sorry you feel like cutting is the only way to find some relief. I promise you that, as much as the urges are intense, and as much as this belief is strong, it is not the only solution. But you’ll need some time to find healthier ways to cope. I understand that feeling of being numb too well. For me, it’s like an intense feeling of distress, yet I can’t cry and I feel totally out of this world, out of myself. It’s stressful. But you are not meant to feel this numbness for your entire life.
There are useful resources available on HeartSupport, and I hope you’ll have a look at those. I especially recommend you the workbook “ReWrite” about self-harm and the exercises/the “Master List” here on the Support Wall. There are some exercises that I did myself when I was struggling recently, and it helped me to fight against those dark thoughts spiraling in my mind.
https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/master-list-next-steps-for-your-mental-health/14240
Hang in there, friend. Take care. Stay safe. We care about you here. 
Heya @Sandia
First. Thank you for writing out! I wanted to let you know that you are loved and you absolutely do matter.
We are discussing this on my stream right now and we all wanted to let you know you are loved! 
Thank you for taking the time to respond it means a lot and most of the things you described are how i feel right now, i am so stressed because i have not told my parents and i am working my way to but i cant.
Also thank you so much those simple words can make a persons day thank you, you are love as well 