im worthless. i wanna cut everyday to try to distract how helpless and hopeless i feel. i feel as if im worthless trash. i feel so alone even when in public. i hate myself so fucking much. the way i look. the way i act. who i am.
my life is getting fucked to shit. i just feel like my recovery process will never fix me. i have no one or nothing to live for. its getting harder everyday to mask my pain. i feel like everyone is mad at me. i just wanna bleed all over the floor. its like., when i bleed i calm down. im so angry all the time i just wanna blow up and throw everything around me and destroy anything in my path to the point of suicidal ideation or self harm. on the otherside im so paranoid and depressed overwhelmed by anxiety depression and psychosis its so stressfull and i dont know what to do…
Hi friend. Have you looked into ReWrite? It’s a resource by HeartSupport that you can get completely free.
The other resource DwarfPlanet - depression workbook. I understand how hard it is to fight self-harm I fight it too. You’re doing the right thing being here, thank you for posting. Sorry I can’t be more help - I just wanted you to know we are here and we care.
Hold Fast
Kayla
Hi Jake,
Thank you for sharing. It sounds like your fighting quite a few demons. I sympathize with you strongly. It can be so hard to start healing yourself. I want to let you know we care here. As for your depression and anxiety, one of the things that helped me alot when I was going through my plights was something one of my good friends told me. I asked her one day “Lisa, why do you seem so happy all the time. How do you feel happy most of your time?” and she told me that it’s honestly hard sometimes but the best thing that you can do is bring yourself back to the things that made you happy in the first place. Almost like when you were a child playing at the park or coloring. At first I thought that was the most ridiculous answer that any one could have given me until I actually tried it.
The first time I tried is was when I was 17. I took myself to a near-by park and sat on the swing sets for hours. At first I felt no different but the longer I sat there, I didn’t notice that I started swinging myself, just like I did when I was a kid. And soon enough, I was swinging as I high as I could possibly go and I began feeling better.
Long story short, I know it can be an enormous hardship to remind yourself that you are good enough. But if you can, every day look in the mirror and even if you feel like you’re lying to yourself, tell yourself that you are worth it. Soon enough it wont feel like you’re lying to yourself. And don’t forget to include the simple things that make you happy.
Stay Strong!