I dont know what to do anymore

I dont sleep anymore i cant keep anything down it feels like theres a constant crushing weight on my chest i always seem to find myself crying for hours on end i always check up on everyone but i feel so alone i dont know who im supposed to be cause it seems no matter what i do its never enough im starting to think that im just not enough i hate myself with a passion im in constant physical and emotional pain and i fucking hate it i just want my pain to end and its starting to feel like suicides my only hope to ever find peace nothing seeems to help anymore all day every day it only hurts more i dont know if i have the strength to continue moving forward i just dont know what to do anymore i dont know how much fight i have left i feel myself losing more and more hope every day the days only seem to get longer and harder im so tired

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Hey there friend!

First off I just want to say thank you for being open with us here, we appreciate it and don’t take it for granted.

The crushing weight on your chest, I have felt that before, it is painful and I’m sorry that is something you also have to fight with. For a long time, and still sometimes these days, I would find myself just crying on my bathroom floor, or in bed, trying not to make a noise so no one knew I was crying, so no one knew I was hurting, so they wouldn’t ask “what’s wrong?”

Checking up on everyone shows who you are as a person, you are kind and caring, and that is appreciated in this world. I know how it feels to be caring to others, but feel as though no one feels the same way about you, or gives back what they receive. That is a tough feeling… please know we are here for you, and we care. We are here to listen, or be a shoulder to lean on.

I know how it feels to believe that you aren’t enough, or you can never do enough, but friend I promise you this is NOT true. We are our own worst critic, I have had to work on reminding myself that I am doing the best I can with the tools I have, and that is all anyone can ask of you. I used to beat myself up all the time about not being enough or doing enough, but man we do not deserve that. We deserve to be happy, and to feel like we are enough. Friend, you are enough, you do enough.

I have struggled with self hate for a long time now, i am sorry that is a battle you also have to fight. Please know you don’t deserve the hate you feel for yourself. You deserve greatness, you deserve to love yourself, and you deserve to be happy. Although it is hard at time, with work and time things will get better. Try to remind yourself in those hard moments you are doing the best you can and that’s call that can be asked of you.

Friend, suicide is not the only way to escape these emotions and thoughts, I promise you. Things get better, I know it is hard to see the light when you are in darkness but please know there is light there. Things get better, it will not always be so hard to get through the day. I promise you that, with time and effort, it gets better.

I have been there in the past and recently where it feels like days get longer and harder to get through. For me it has been with work, it’s been really hard. Just know you are not alone in those feelings and struggles.

Friend, we are always here to listen or to be a shoulder to lean on. Things get better, remember that. What are some things you enjoy doing? I think it is always good to recall those in hard times… personally I enjoy video games, art and animals. I would love to know what you are interested in, what you enjoy.

I look forward to hearing back from you soon.

You are not alone in this fight friend, please continue to reach out. There are people who will listen, and people who care.

Sending love,
Lys

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Hello Friend,

Thank you for reaching out and for sharing with us. You were very vulnerable and transparent about what and how you are feeling, and I’m sure that took a lot of strength so I am proud of you. I’m sorry to hear about what you have been going through and the way it has been weighing on you for some time. You are such an amazing person, because despite all of these feelings, despite what you are battling, you still find it to check up on others to see how they are doing. Is there anyone that checks up on you? Anyone who maybe knows a bit about how you are feeling that you can confide in?

I have experienced similar feelings myself so I can relate to what you said. It feels as though it is taking everything out of you to fight each day and every day you feel as though you lose a little more fight, and have less to spare for the next day. It is a tiring endeavor and it does drain you. I found that for myself reaching out for help from a support system (those close to me and professionals) they were able to help me carry the load and lighten the burden that I was carrying inside.

I hope you find it within you to keep fighting because you matter. Your life matters. And you are enough. You are not alone in what you feel or in having people that care about your wellbeing. There are people that care for you, love, you, value and appreciate you and all that you do for them. And I’d like to hope, that they can help you and be there for you as well if you let them into what’s going on. I am rooting for you, that you can find the relief and the peace that you need. :white_heart:

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