The reason why I write this post, is because I am having a little problem with one of my friend. My friend is kind and funny but he doesnt keep his word, I mean he say that he will call me and finally he doesnt, I can understood that but I cant forget that we agreed to meet up yesterday. And when yesterday came, he said that he meet up another friend.
I know that, that maybe sound selfish, but that have hurt me and even if I want to tell him what is he doing is hurting me, there is a part of me that doesnt want to tell him, because after so many times that he couldnt keep his word, I feel like I cant trust him and another reason is because in the past, when I have tell people why I am angry with them, they got more angry and the relationship fell apart. And I dont want that to happen.
Thanks for reading
And I hope that you have a great day🤗
Hey there, I totally get that feeling. I’ve been there myself where it feels like you are only an option while others are a priority to someone. Its not easy, and I thank you for sharing that. I know you said you’ve had talks with people in the past about similar things and they got more upset with you, but know that is a reflection of them not of you. You are allowed to have feelings, and boundaries. It is important to let people know when they hurt your feelings or cross a line with you, not in an aggressive way but sometimes the people don’t realize they’ve hurt you or that something was important to you.
It sounds like this friend has been kind of flaky a few times to you, and that sucks. I know you may be scared to tell them what you’re thinking but I think you should have a talk with them. Say something like “hey, I just want you to know that when we make plans I really look forward to those, and I know sometimes things come up, but it kind of sucks when those plans don’t happen.”
That doesn’t sound selfish at all. If it hurts, if it’s important to you, then it’s important enough to be said and acknowledged. We all have our own ways to react to some specific events. How you feel is never wrong. It’s just how you feel. Thank you again for sharing about your life here. That’s so important.
I agree wholeheartedly with @JoshC: if something hurts you, it can be good to talk about it with your friend. They might not be even aware of how this make you feel. Maybe it’s a bit uncomfortable to do that, and there are many ways to express it depending on what you expect from that kind of conversation… but that could be also an opportunity for both of you to learn to know each other better, and grow together. Generally, when we express being hurt by blaming others or making accusations, it just creates more frustration. Not saying that’s what you did before! Just that thinking about how you could share how you feel is important too. Personally, I find non-violent communication very useful when there’s an issue with someone. There are 4 basic “steps” - you can find plenty of ideas of wordings online, if you want. Just found this chart to help:
Just a tool though. Hopefully something that could give you some inspiration. In the end, don’t forget that ultimately the reaction of your friend is always theirs. It’s something you can’t control or decide. You can only do your best in being clear about how you feel and what you expect, preferably in a non-judgmental way if you want the discussion to be constructive.
Thanks a lot, I will think about what you have told me, if someday I get brave and I tell my friend what he isnt doing great.
And that true, when they get angry when you tell them what they have do wrong is their reflection, but still I feel scared to tell somebody what they have made wrong.
thanks a lot Micro, I will remember your words and if I need I will look Online to help me to how express myself better in those situations and the chart you have show me I think that is going to be a great help🤗
