I dont know what to do. I hate myself

As I wrote before I have been dealing with alot of health issues… it has effected me mentally. I also deal with my brothers anger alot too… with everything combined i am in the darkest place i have ever been… i have lost several friends lately becuase of my toxicity . Some have blocked me on all social medias and some have blocked my number i feel like a fuck up… i litterally dont have anyone to talk to anymore and my thoughts are incredibly dark and i just want my friends back I dont know how to feel anymore I cant co troll my temper I am constantly mad at myself and I just dont want to be part of life anymore

I am so so sorry things are so hard right now. I am sorry your friends left you when you needed them most. Thank you for reaching out it takes a lot of courage and is hard to do. There are some great people on here who have been really supportive. Also they have some good resources on the heart support page. Hope you will keep reaching out and keep taking it day by day. I know it’s hard to believe but things do get better. I was in a really hard place for a while and I’m finally starting to find hope again. Hope you can find a counselor or mentor or friend that can be here for you in this time. I know it’s hard to reach out when you have already been hurt but it’s possible to let people in you are doing it here. Hope things start to get better.