Hey guys, this is my first time being here, stumbled across it while looking for advice. It’s quite a long story but I’ll try keep it brief. So I met this girl and we hit it off really well, i loved spending time with her and we did a lot of incredible things, I started to love this girl and she loved me. After a little while things took a turn for the worst, she was becoming very possessive and jealous and controlling, didn’t want me to make any friends and wouldn’t support me with my decisions and she was very manipulative and almost suicidal during each fight. I tried to help her as much as I could in her life, even through all of this, I still loved her but like a friend, so I decided it was time to break up with her, I told her that we need to split, and she just lost it and fell on the floor crying. Unable to go through with it I told her that it’s just a temporary thing. And maybe in the future we can work things out again and I really want to still be her friend. She said okay and told me she’ll wait for me. I told her not to wait, and again she got so angry and upset she started breaking things and screaming. So I withdrew again, and told her just give me some time and space. For the next 3 months we kept on doing this run around. I must have broken up with her 4 times. We still see each other now, in a casual friendship way, but she still loves me and crys about us almost weekly. I don’t know what to do anymore and I feel like I’m the worst person in the world everytime I see her, everytime she crys my anxiety and depression sky tickets and I feel like I’m the worst person in the world, even more so now that I can’t break free, I feel like a coward for not telling her the truth and always backing down from the breakup. To make matters worse I met another girl and I’m so happy with her, and all of this previous relationship is playing out in the background, I feel so terrible all the time, and I don’t know what to do.
I’m sorry it’s such an essay. I hope you can read my writing, I’m extremely anxious and unable to think today but I just had to get it off my chest.
I would like to start out by saying, this is not your fault.
Under normal circumstances I would say breaking up via text is a dick move, these are not normal circumstances. This lady is emotionally manipulative and you need to make a clean break. Text her that it’s over and then block her phone number. Literally block her on all social media. Guilt is not a reason to be in a relationship.
You both need to move on even if she doesn’t want to. Avoid the hell out of her.
Honestly, it sounds like maybe this first girl isn’t healthy to be around right now. And you shouldn’t feel guilty for needing to cut off. It sounds like a toxic relationship. The sooner you’re honest with her and distance from it the better. I know it makes you feel guilty, but don’t. You have to look out for your own mental health and well being. If this relationship is going to be built on a foundation of manipulation and jealousy, its going to spiral more and more out of control.
Just try to break it to her kindly I guess. Just tell her that right now, you don’t think things are going to work out between the two of you. You’re not feeling it. She may get upset. But just tell her that you want to respect her enough to be honest and upfront. Instead of going in circles.
But there’s no use in holding onto a friendship or a relationship that is going to go down an unhealthy path. The longer it lingers the more crappy you will feel.
Once you move on past her you will feel so much better and then you can try to be move onto healthier relationships.
I’ve has to cut some people out of my life too. It’s hard when there are people that just can’t seem to understand. She may get dramatic and threaten extreme things to get your attention, but you can’t control her actions. Nor can you keep hanging on just because she threatens suicidal things. That is not fair to you. Worse case scenario, call 911 or a family member if she makes threats. Let the professionals take care of her.
Be sure to look out for you . Don’t trap yourself in a situation you don’t want to be in.
I hope the best for you my friend.
P.S If you don’t have her address. Call 911 and give them her phone number. Let them call her if she threatens suicide.
But don’t feel like you have to stay just because she threatens you. That’s not fair