I have been struggling with suicidal ideas since the beginning of April. I was briefly hospitalized in a psychiatric ward, and released about a week into my treatment. I’ve lost over 10 pounds (currently 97lbs) and I am just wasting my days laying in bed. My parents bring me food so I do not starve. I get up to shower and feed my gecko and cats. I want to kill myself. I feel so utterly alone despite the help that my family and SO offer. I needed to get that off of my chest. I have never been this sick before and it has never lasted for months at a time. I want to die.
You Are Loved.
Hi and thank you for sharing. I hope that getting it off your chest helped relieve some tension, even if just the tiniest bit. Loneliness is a symptom of depression and it is normal to feel alone even when you know people are helping you. I’m sorry to hear that you are fighting with suicidal thoughts I understand how draining and overwhelming that can be and it sucks more than words can express. You are not alone in this. There are a lot of people who have gone through times suffering like this. It doesn’t seem like it will ever end, but it will. Keep fighting and do whatever you have to keep yourself here because your life is full of value and greatness. Again, I know it’s hard to have hope in times like this, but there are so many people who have come out of times like this and are healing. We care about you and believe in you and are here to listen or offer encouragement whenever you need it. You can get through this one day at a time. You are not wasting days by resting if that is what you need. Your value is not in your productivity and you are valuable and loved right now in this moment
It’s important to take time to rest and recharge. No one feels better overnight. It’s important to learn when we need to ask for help, especially when we don’t want it. You are obviously loved and you have animals you care for so your feelings of loneliness are caused by something outside you environment. I had to get on meds to help with my depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I’ve been on them for about 3 years now and it’s infinitely better than I felt before. Found out that my type of depression can only really be helped with meds so the constant struggle of trying to fix myself was only hurting me.
As hard as it is, every day you should get up and take a shower and get dressed. Even if you can only manage part of that, it will help. When I feel hopeless and empty, a hot shower and putting on fresh clothes can make me feel better, even if it’s just a little bit. It’s the feeling of accomplishment when everything else feels awful. Even if you just put on a fresh shirt and sweatpants, even if you only stand under the hot water. You have to take recovery one small step at a time.
You are stronger than you realize
Hey @throwaway. You can find something to live for, something that makes you happy. You can get through this. We believe in you. This won’t last forever. You’re not alone and you deserve life. You’re a survivor. <3