I dont know whats happening

i got stuck in a really dark head space recently but am slowly getting out of if but i dont know whats making me have so many urges or anything like it. like usually theres a reason but i cant make sense of anything

like i have urges to run away and just leave again but not come back or to commit and i dont know what else at this point but i just get so many and theres not a reason

i tried to tell the clinician ive been seeing for a bit today but every time i tried it felt like no sound was coming out and i was like, muted? so i just couldn’t speak?

its kind of been affecting friendships and stuff because one of my friends will say something mean as a joke and i know it is but i just get upset or angry about it for no reason. im so scared my friends and everyone hates me an im gonna have all of the stuff ive done exposed which could seriously fuck over a lot. i dont really know anymore

Hey there, my community took a moment to respond to you, here is that video: https://youtu.be/XtvR4u7Y2_M