Question, so, you say alot of the time that you feel empty, do you also ever have feelings of being discconected from reality? Or feeling like you aren’t real and nothing’s real? If so do you think these could be affecting your emotions? A big part of depression and DR-DP is that they get mixed up because they can overlap and I’m wondering if your feelings of emptiness also contain a feeling of “unrealness”. The disorders can also go hand in hand making both disorders more difficult to identify between but you can usually identify via sensations. And stuff like motivation can also corelate to ADHD, just a thing to keep in mind if you feel like it may be more. If not, then do you think you could ask yourself, deeply, what would help you? What would make you truly happy? What do you need that hieghten your sense of wellbeing? I know how hard it is for you, and how much you struggle daily, but there is a solution and I feel like there is just something missing that hasn’t been figured out yet. Whether it’s the wrong medication, wrong diagnosis and it’s something deeper, or just a diet needed changing. I beleive that if you felt a good feeling once you can feel it again, and if you’ve felt fuffiled once and you’ve achieved something once, you can do it a 100 more times. I beleive in you, we all do <3
Lisaw also has a point, sometimes you have to push yourself to rid those fears and take control of life. And I know how hard it is beleive me. Sita also has an AMAZING IDEA!!! look up “Inscense waterfall burner” on Amazon you’ll be in love!!!~ it’ll be super relaxing and calm you a bit. Scents are known to relax a vibe and setting. Clear not only the air but the emotional aura around you.
So, I’m sure you know this already but, the brain is a CPU. It’s a pattern of thinking that repeats itself without awareness, it doesn’t see or hear or smell or taste, that’s what you do. It’s in charge of reading thought patterns and reacting to them in whatever it thinks is the best decision. With disorders, it’s when the brain is giving you an improper thought pattern because it thinks it’s doing the right thing, “stupid brain” you’ll say. Well, you can train it if you’re determined enough. If you’ve tried this though, then I will move on to the next thing.
Something I’ve learned tonight, it happened by accident from a conversation I was having with my systemmates, it was scary at first but then we learned it could be used as a tool. I’ve learned it’s also a meditation method from an online friend. This is a bit of what they said that I edited a bit: Take a moment to relax your body and mind, and then think to yourself, deeply as you can, like you are speaking to yourself. Ask yourself a few questions, “How do you feel about yourself?” “What do you want?” “What motivates you?” “What do you feel/ What would help you feel something?” Not “me” say “you” 2nd person. You will start to feel like a bit of a stranger to yourself and dissconnect from your brains thought patterns into just your awareness by hyperrealizing your existence and yourself. Rather than stress out for freak out from this, use it to your advantage don’t fear it. Then you can tackle the more abstract or deeper-rooted things. Instead of the physical stress, you get stuff popping up that you were not aware of or emotions that you were holding back. And all you have to do is ask about it. It will take time, its like a process of discovering things you really deeply want or weren’t aware of or consciously able to accept. The rest of the time it’s just working through the process and using this disconnect between yourself, and the body impulses to your advantage to reinforce for yourself that you are not the body or the brain, and that depression/etc is only partially rooted in your own needs.
Of course, the idea is not to do this just once or twice, it’ll be a habit. You will be disconnecting from all extra brain pattern impulses that aren’t necessarily yours or “you” and being with just your awareness, willing to ask yourself questions even if you aren’t sure or don’t get an answer. It’s like learning to give yourself permission to ask, to have or not have an answer, to come up with an answer all on your own, working with the awareness you have of yourself and your existence and accepting it and loving it. I know you’re trying to practice meditation, and the core of meditation, or at least the way it’s practiced, is to let feelings and thoughts go by and to learn to judge less - yourself, your thoughts, other people, etc - and to learn what is and isn’t “you”. And also focus on your emotional connections and why they’re important. Be at peace with your questions as again- youre learning to give yourself permission to find an answer or make an answer. You do this enough times and it may help with the depression.
For the basic start of the meditation (before you
get into the nitty gritty or to just start out with) -
- Sit down, find a comfortable position to sit in. You can lay down if you won’t fall asleep.
- Breathe in a fashion that is long and slow, but comfortable. You don’t have to count if you don’t want to.
- Close your eyes OR softly “focus” your eyes on a blank wall, or object, etc. the goal is either to remove visual stimuli or to allow yourself to visually “zone out”.
- Continue breathing. Obviously.
- If you want to, do a form of progressive relaxation. Start from the toes and move up the body or from the scalp and move down. Relax each part of your body by releasing tension in whatever way makes sense and doesn’t involve much movement.
- Continue breathing and not focusing. If you’re not experienced with meditation, repeat this step and eventually “bring yourself back up”.
As a beginner, your goal is to sit there and let thoughts occur without interacting with them.
Same with emotions, same with anything intrusive. When you’re doing this, keep an eye on any reactions you have. Notice them but don’t judge. Practice that process for a while. You don’t have to do it for long, even five minute sessions are good. It will be tough depending on the mental health issues you suffer, etc etc but you can eventually get the hang of it. Once you have this down you have your starting point for anything else.
You can take a bit of time in the meditation to think about the people you care about and why they’re in your life. It’ll help refine emotional associations about others and yourself, remind you that you’re real and you are not alone. And there’s more to the world than what’s on your mind.
One good one that also might help you is “Void” Meditation. Imagine this light white or gold light hole, and when intrusive thoughts come in imagine them being passively sucked into the light hole dissapearing into it wrapped in peace and light after youve noticed them. Maybe even imagine how the enviroment sounds, the crystals of the stars clinging like wind chimes. Somewhere safe. Somewhere peaceful. Somewhere that isn’t going to judge you or hurt you, and take all those judgements and letting go of them into that light hole. The idea is that these intrusive thoughts are not intrinsically you, and working on this will help with your depression and emotional disregulation.
You don’t have to do it for long, even five minute sessions may help for a start and will help hook onto the attention span of the brain. You could start at nighttimes or mornings, getting into the habit slowly starting from 5 minutes to 30 to however long you need. The more you can do it, the more you will form an association with meditation as a good positive, calming thing, and it’ll be easier to get to. Stronger associations lower the effort/initiation cost. If you ever feel like you can’t focus, try thinking about it as positive as possible. Even a minute of breathing and relaxing is a starting point for consistency. You want to create a hook rather than go deep.
I hope this helps and makes sense for you. I truly do wish so so much for you to get better, I know you can do it. And I know how much you deserve it. You have so much potential in you that you’re capable of. You have so much worth and love and passion. We all love you and beleive in you.