I Don't Know Who to Turn to

HeartSupport Support
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Hello there.

Recently, I’ve been dealing with just an overload of work, home life, transitions, personal struggles, etc. I could get so detailed with this list but I feel like it’d just be way too long. It just feels so overwhelming, like a milestone that I’ll never reach. I’ve been trying to balance a part time and full time job, the latter being multifaceted in responsibilities (3 different departments I guess), planning to get married, moving out for the first time (college dorms don’t count in that), and trying to decipher and accomplish my goals.
Needless to say, I’ve had too much in my mind for too long. It’s easy to shut down and just play a video game to get lost in it, or put in some headphones and drown out the voices in my head and around me. But then I crave community. I crave friendship. I desire to be a part of something that isn’t just me by myself. It’s gotten to the point where I wonder what in the world I’m even doing here anymore. It feels like “going through the motions”, or just trying to make it day by day. I feel more just tired of it than anything.
For years I’ve told myself, “well, eventually things will change and it will get better. You just gotta be patient.” And in no way am I trying to be prideful or boast in myself, but I’ve been pretty freaking patient for a long time.
I know that this virus going on just makes a lot of my life a little more stressful, but I feel like I’ve reached a breaking point where I don’t want to even try to do something new, I don’t want to try to accomplish anything. I feel stuck and can’t get a break from life in order to do something good with it.
Just trying to get these thoughts out of my head. I don’t know who else to tell. I don’t want to worry my future wife. I don’t want to bug my family. And I feel like other people who want to “be there for me” will give the proverbial pat on the back and the “you’re gonna be okay” thing. Thanks for hearing me out.

EWest

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It sounds like you’re burnt out. If this has been going on for years, you have a crazy amount of endurance, but we all reach the ends of our ropes eventually.

Any one of the things you listed can be enough to overwhelm just about anyone. The fact that you’re juggling 2 jobs, a wedding, and moving all at the same time is insane, and like you said, the quarantine is a universal extra stressor in all that. I don’t think most people on here, or anywhere for that matter, could handle that much stress without breaking.

This actually sounds healthy to me. You aren’t withdrawing into your escapism. A lot of people give up on being citizens of the world when they’re coping with stress, whether with video games, drugs and alcohol, or sleep. The fact that you still want to surround yourself with healthy companions is awesome!

It’s okay, even good, to not want to try something new at this stage. Major life changes in the face of stress can be a very destructive form of escapism. You’re in survival mode now, and in survival mode you just go through the motions like you said. It’s not okay, but I think it’s natural. You’re conserving what’s left of your mental resources.

If you can gather the energy to get past the hurdles of moving and having a wedding, that will be a huge load off your shoulders. As long as you aren’t having doubts about marriage and trying to convince yourself they’ll be better when you’re married, then the wedding is just a day, just a ceremony and a party, and when it’s done it’s done and you can keep living your life in your new home. It’ll take a lot of energy to get through those dual hurdles, but they aren’t ongoing.

Practice self care. Eliminate the stuff on the periphery that’s draining your energy. Some of that is easy, and some of it may be more extreme. Have you considered reworking your budget to where you can eliminate the part time job? Can you talk to your boss at your full time job about easing off some responsibilities or expectations for the short term in this crazy busy season of your life? Is there any way to unshoulder any of the burden of moving? You’re just one person, you can’t be all things to all people, and it’s unfair to expect that of yourself. We, as social creatures, are wired to help others in times of need, and that goes both ways. It’s reasonable and healthy to ask for help, and there aren’t trophies for working yourself to death.

Most of all though, it sounds like you need a break. Can you take a vacation, or even just a week off to rest? I’m doing that right now because I’ve been burnt out, and I don’t have nearly as much going on as you do. Even shedding responsibilities doesn’t recharge you. A break gives you a chance to regain your stamina. Also, try journaling to get your thoughts out. It sounds juvenile, but writing down free-associated thoughts is really helpful way to get thoughts out of your head and cemented in place to make room for more thoughts and reflections, and if you keep up the process you can figure a lot of things out that were there all along.

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@SheetMetalHead thank you so much. Seriously, that really means alot. It helps to feel heard and to be heard. I’m hoping that I can do some of the things you mentioned and implement them. A vacation is a little far off but it’s in the schedule. I’m gonna need the extra part time job for the time being, just making ends meet. But I will try to journal more. I like to write lyrics or poetry, just to kind of dump thoughts from my head and make room. I really appreciate you reaching out friend. It’s cool to know that people i don’t even know personally love and care about me and want to help. Thank you

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Hey @eranwest9,

Jake Luhrs asked his friend Rob Bailey to do a video response to someone from our forum, and when he read through the posts, he found yours and could relate a lot to what you said, so he decided to do something to encourage you.

You matter, hold fast.

-Nate

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Thank you Nate. Seriously. And Jake. And freaking thank you, Rob. That was insane and so cool that you’d think of me. It’s so meaningful and helpful.

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