Lately I am struggling to hang on. Some days now, I just don’t want to anymore.
Other than my dog, I’ve got no one. My parents are both dead, my fiance killed herself, and the last of my remaining “family” hate my guts, and just prefer I stay away now. Any friends I have are purely virtual (discord, video games… ect) and all reside in completely different states or even countries in some cases.
With covid-19 cases skyrocketing out of control in my city, everything is curbside pickup or contactless delivery. The most I get to talk to someone face to face (while masked), is when an item is out of stock, and they have to let me know its been replaced by something else.
My entire life is taking place within the confines of a LCD screen, and the lack of contact is making me break down just about every day now.
I miss having a family. I miss having someone who loves me, and goes through day to day challenges with me. More than anything I miss having the prospect of finding anyone like this again. Anyone I talk to, or walk within ten feet of acts like I’ve killed them by saying hello.
I fucking hate 2020.
I think it might finally be the end of me.