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I don't matter/ Every thinks I'm a controlling wretch/ useless / freak for being autistic/ I am a failure/ I should have never been born/ I am a mistake

My mom called her friend and told her about me being autistic, controlling, and that I suck at every thing I do.

Every hates me and my conditions / problems
I should have never been born, I am a mistake, absolute failure, No matter how hard I try, I will never amount to anything.

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Did you hear her say these exact words? Did she say them while you were present in the room, or did you overhear her?
Your relationship with your mom sounds like it could be filled with some more compassion and understanding. Knowing that your mom and you have been at loggerheads before, why does it happen so much what she thinks?
Your views and her views are different in many things. If someone is saying unkind things like this, then their views of you should be taken with a big pinch of salt. Your value does not depend of her.

You know this is not true for all of us here - we all love and appreciate you here. We see your struggles, and we cheer for your victories, and we stand together with you through your struggles. A couple others here probably share some of the same struggles, so they have a really good understanding of how you’re feeling, the thoughts that come to you, etc.

Being a wonderful person is one of the most beautiful things a human being can be, maybe even the best thing, You are wonderful. Life isn’t a competition, it’s about doing what we can day to day, and the lives we touch on our journey. I don’t know about the people in your life, but I can say that many of us here think kindly of you, and we think that you have done so much already, and we’re all proud of you.

I’m sorry things are rough for you right now.
You are loved.
You are worthy.
I’m glad you’re here with us, friend.

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You are not. It is not your fault that you are having health issues. Blaming you for something like that is stupid and cruel. I am so sorry you have to go through this. :disappointed:

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I heard her say all of that to her friend.

I agree Blaming people for what they’re struggling with is cruel and pathetic.

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I’m so sorry to hear that. I know how you feel when you say you feel useless and like a failure. Sometimes people view things as black and white like you make one mistake or a bad thing happens, that means you’re a failure or that you won’t amount of anything. Try to think in a more balanced, nonjudgmental way. A bad thing or a mistake happening will not necessarily mean a bad life or that you as a person are a failure.

@Summer

I’m so sorry that the situation is still like this with your mom. What she said to her friend was unloving and not something you deserve to be told - even if indirectly. Being autistic is absolutely not a default or something to be ashamed of.

We love you as you are, Summer. You are beautiful and enough as you are. People can have different opinions, they can have disagreements with you, but there’s no amount of words that will ever erase the fact that you are worthy of love, and certainly not a mistake at all.

It’s really hard to not let others words affect us, especially when it is hurtful. Her words, in this situation, don’t deserve your time or your energy though. There is what she says and feels, what is her perception of you, but there’s also who you are truly. I can tell that by saying that you suck at everything you do, she is really unable to see how brave and strong you are.

We see you here. You’re loved. No amount of struggle or others hatred will ever change that. :hrtlegolove:

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Hey @Summer

The HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here - we very much hope it helps. Hold Fast friend!

  • John
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Summer, I’m so sorry you feel this way. I know sometimes that our circumstances can feel overwhelming. I promise you that you aren’t broken, you aren’t a mistake, you are fearfully wonderfully made. I care about you. I’m here to listen if you need someone to hear your story.
Hold fast
Dan

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