I want to fucking die. I’m in so much pain. I’m so alone. I keep trying to fix it but I can’t. Haha. I just want this to be over. Sorry if I ever wasted your time.
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From: Ash (Discord)
Thank you so much for sharing this struggle with us but you do deserve to know that you are not alone in this. We are here to support you. Your life might not be amazing or even close to okay but that is okay. Something I have always reminded myself in my worst moments is that hey its okay to not be okay. But what matters in that statement is what you do. Can I ask what have you tried. Also do you have anyone around you that can help you feel like you are not alone. If not have you joined our very busy and filled with people discord or the twitch streams there is always people around perhaps you can find people with common issues. I dont believe that you deserve anything but good. YOU ARE NOT A WASTE OF TIME OR SPACE. I put that in caps as you need to see this is not true and that is a statement. You really arent. We want everyone to feel safe and happy about everything they do here at Heartsupport. Dont stop seeing that to us you have so so much value.
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I don’t see the value at all. I don’t see any of it. And for what I hav tried I have gone to in patient and out patient but I still want to die. I’m in therapy but don’t feel better.
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hi paladin,
first off, if you don’t feel any growth from therapy, it might be in your best interest to find a new therapist or ask your therapist to help you discover a different way to find your happiness. you’re a human being, with a beating heart full of love, worthy of not feeling this intense pain, hopelessness, and loneliness. you don’t need to apologize for being vulnerable or “wasting time,” i’m happy to spend this time writing to you and reminding you that someone under the same stars as you cares about and loves you.
i’m guilty of lurking on your profile to see if you had a preferred nickname and noticed you love music and pokemon (eeveelutions are one of my fav things about the games too)! i bring this up because although things are extremely dark right now, concentrating on the few glimpses of humanity, hope, or general enjoyment is vital for you to find your path to recovery. for me, focusing on my fav forms of media (shows, books, games, music, etc.) helps open myself up for the possibility of not feeling similar thoughts as the ones you are feeling. those distractions can also motivate and inspire you to find a reason to live or to see value in yourself.
outside of that, i want you to know that i’m here for you. i’m rooting for you to one day feel better, see the endless value in your life, and to no longer carry such pain on your shoulders. if there’s any way i can help lighten that load on your shoulders, please let me know.
love,
your pal twix
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I try to see light but these past few days have been the worst and it’s because of nothing. It just is bad. Suddenly all the thoughts that I had in just the back of my head are so loud and they are being conestaly loud. I haven’t gone to a personal therapist yet but I will monday. I feel like collapsing and not getting back up.
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i wish you the best for your therapy appointment on monday, i hope those sessions start to help take that heaviness and loudness away from you. until then, please go easy on yourself! this crushing feeling can and will pass and i need you to trust me on this because i’ve been in your spot often and came out on the other side by hanging on, finding help/support, and essentially waiting for those feelings to pass.
so do what you need to do to feel comfortable until monday and reach out if you need anytning! i’m here for you for real!
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I’m trying to. It’s just so hard. I’m sorry that I’m like this.
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no need to apologize for anything, friend, i just want you to know you aren’t alone in this. i believe in you and rooting for you!
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I just feel like I need to aplogise. I feel like I’m always in the wrong and at fault.
hey paladin, was just thinking of you and wanted to check in on you. i’m excited for you for your monday appointment but until then, if you need anything to get you through the weekend (movie/show recommendations, someone to vent more to, encouragement, etc)?
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Honestly encouragement would help a lot.
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then encouragement is what i’ll give you, my friend! :’) also, if there’s anything specific you need encouragement for like getting by until monday, taking care of yourself, etc. let me know. but in general, please know how valuable your life is. you reach so many people’s lives by just existing. your ability to be vulnerable and share your experience on this forum has made me and anyone else who has gone through these emotions not feel alone anymore. you could do something so seemingly small for another person like hold a door open for them and starting a chain reaction of good deeds. the people in your life are better with you in their lives.
your life is so powerful and the possibilities are endless on how you use that power. you could spend the next 2 days binge-watching new shows and those moments are still so worthwhile. you know why i say that? because you fought for yourself to find those moments of bliss and self-care. you would make it another day in this wild world. and you’ll be on my mind through it all because i genuinely am rooting for you to find hope again. so when you say that you feel alone like you did in the initial post, i hope you now know that you aren’t because you got me on your side and so many others on this site, ready to support you through it all.
before this gets any longer, just want to say that you are loved, valued, and appreciated. do what you need to do this weekend to take care of YOU! because you deserve it! <3
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