Every day my mood gets worse and worse. I feel like nothing more than a burden on everyone around me. It’s not even a feeling I know I am. I’m constantly jealous of others success when I try to be supportive. I’m a terrible friend and girlfriend but I always feel inferior to my girlfriend because she’s much better at everything than me. I know she’d be better off without me in her life. I’m terrible at everything I do and I’m constantly talked down to by most people cause they think I’m stupid including me dnd group even though I’ve been playing the longest. I know if I died everyone would forget me quickly after and move on.
But I’m too afraid of killing myself and of dying cause I’m a coward.
I just know I never have an effect on the world. I never make a difference in anyone’s life. Why should I stay around. Why shouldn’t I just be alone.
I try to be great but i just cant. I’m worthless and cant do anything right.
I’m so sorry to hear you have been experiencing so much pain in your life. Self hatred and depression is hurtful and can be challenging to deal with. However, I want to thank you for your bravery for reaching out like you did. It’s not easy to express exactly what you are truly feeling from the deepest part of your heart. Life may feel uncertain or even difficult to manage. Keep expressing and giving yourself the permission to feel as needed. There is a reason you feel the way you do. Everything you feel matters.
Hey, friend. I’m sorry that you are feeling this way and are hurting but I just wanted to tell you that you are none of these things that you tell yourself.
You are NOT stupid.
You are NOT a burden.
You deserve to be loved my friend. You deserve to be heard. And it makes sense that you would struggle with feelings like jealousy. I think a lot of us do. Its human to sometimes look at others, see what they have and feel sad that we can’t have those things to. I’ve done that a lot in my life. I felt saddened towards myself because I felt like I could never be good enough. I felt discouraged. It’s a hard emotion to face.
But you hold value and worth. I know it may be hard to see that some days, but this world would not be better off without you.
I’m sorry that your DND group has made you feel bad. Have you ever spoken to any of your friends about how they are making you feel? And just ask them nicely to maybe not say some of the things they tell you. Or whatever they are doing? Do they not realize that they are hurting you? Or is it that maybe they aren’t a very good group to play with?
Hey. Your feelings are valid. You deserve to be heard. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time friend.
Hey @Moonflower,
It’s not even a feeling I know I am.
I’m sorry friend, but yes, it is a feeling. It doesn’t mean what you feel isn’t real. It certainly has a reason to be, in regards of your own story, your self-confidence as well. But as much as I’m sorry you’ve been feeling like this, knowing that what you just shared is about how you feel is a very positive statement. Because how you feel doesn’t define who you are. It doesn’t define your worth, the actual possibility for you to bring something positive and meaningful in this world.
You’re being really hard on yourself. Too hard. And it’s really difficult to deal with such feelings and thoughts. It hurts. Sometimes even to the point of questioning your own right to exist. But you don’t deserve any of this. You need to learn to give yourself the grace and confidence that is required to actually move on.
It is possible. Not just for others. But also for you. And you are absolutely not worthless.
You are you. You are enough. And you are needed. But this truth has been reframed by how you see yourself. There’s this very painful and foggy barrier now in front of you. It’s filled with a lot of lies about yourself. And that is why we’re here, why this community exists, why you posted and why we’re discussing. To remind you some truths that are still here. To inject some love in all of this pain. Because despite how you feel, despite what you’re going through, you matter friend. And you are so loved.
There were times in my life when I’ve been dealing with the same thoughts as you. Seeing myself worthless, useless, just a piece of crap, a living mistake. It’s incredibely painful to actually feel like this. Like you don’t deserve to be here and no matter how much you try you don’t seem to be able to do anything right. At different moments, I felt like this to the point of putting myself in danger. And as much as I understand how the wrong conclusions about ourselves can lead us to the wrong actions, I can also assure you that you still have a choice in the way you deal with these harmful thoughts. Because you’re breathing. You’re existing. It means there is a possibility for your current situation to change, to improve. But it requires you, your own participation, to take a step further. Relying on others, being honest, reaching out can be a step, and a very important one. Just like you did by coming here, so you know that you’re not alone. Besides this, did you ever try/consider therapy? Because if you don’t feel okay to talk about this to your beloved ones, if you don’t feel supported either, the help from a professional can be welcomed.
You can be who you want. But you’ll also need to build for yourself some strong foundations so you can keep moving on. Made of love, compassion and perseverance. This community is here for you as well. Through all of this. To encourage you, as we can, to gather the resources you need and make the healthy decisions for yourself. You are important. You are unique. And you are not alone right now.
Hang in there. 