I don’t think I need this life any longer. Therapy never helped. I think about how many ways I can die. I just want to die. I hate this life. I just want to stop being apart of this universe. I hate it. I hate it here. I hate myself. I just want to kill myself. All of you will tell me I’m wrong but killing myself is the one thought that makes me happy. I don’t have any weapons or poisonous items around me. I’m just venting
You’ve been strong enough for sharing this here and I’m deeply grateful for this. The idea of dying can be attractive when you’re going through rough times but it’s not a solution. It seems to be a solution, and thinking about it can be reassuring, but this is not the end for you. You made the right thing by reaching this community.
I’m deeply sorry for your struggles, that you also haven’t found the help you were looking for in therapy. May I ask what kind of therapy you already have experienced?
Right now you can talk to us and be safe here. Please leave this idea aside and just let go of your thoughts and emotions by writing them here and so we can talk about it. What makes you think you don’t need this life any longer? I imagine that you’ve been through a certain path to reach to this conclusion and I would like to know about it.
Know that there’s also some crisis support available anytime:
Crisis text line - text HOME to 741741
Suicide hotline - 1-800-273-8255
National suicide prevention chat - http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
It’s not only made for others, you can also use those services. Being heard without being judged, receiving some support and guidance that could be really helpful for you. You deserve to be help and to find some clarity right now.
You matter, you’re valuable and it’s not empty words.
One on one therapy. I’ve seen 12 therapists.
I will never call those numbers. I’ve never had a good call or talk with them
If killing yourself will make you happy, you won’t be alive to experience it…
I remember talking to you a few months back, when you posted somthing similar, and I’m happy to know that you’re still here.
All that tells me is that you’re still trying and making effort so don’t stop. What you experienced in the past is done and you’re gonna miss your future if you keep bringing it up. You don’t have to talk to the people who hurt you but you must forgive them for yourself.
12 different therapists, I can only assume that you had to spend a lot of energy and courage in this. It’s not really interesting for you to know that, but I myself have seen different therapists, not 12, but I got some difficulties to find the “good one”. Sometimes it can really, really take a lot of time before it happens. So I wanted to let you know that I really admire your determination. I respect that so much.
Why do you think it wasn’t helpful? Sometimes it’s related to the personality of the therapist, the kind of therapy chosen or, quite simply, the fact that therapies may not correspond to your personal needs. I’ve also got to underline the fact that it’s definitely not because of you. This situation doesn’t mean that you’re hopeless, but that it may not correspond to what you need to move forward.
Also, is there someone in your surroundings that you can contact to receive some IRL support? Just to have a loving and physical presence near you if it’s not the case. You deserve this.
(That’s okay for the numbers. I just wanted to let you know about it but wasn’t aware that you already tried in the past so thank you for letting me know).
No. I live nowhere near anyone