I feel sick to my stomach with myself. I make everything worse. I feel that if I were to just take a blade to myself and never wake up, everything will be so much better. I haven’t eaten in so long that I can’t see straight. I wanna die so bad. A few days, CPS got involved with my life, and my mother just lied to them to make me look like the bad guy. She makes everything so much worse, and I’m alone with her this weekend. I wish I could just man up and do it, but I feel like I have to protect my little brother from her, but today he told me to kill myself. I feel so conflicted and I feel like I should die. I feel like leaving my friends and girlfriend because I can’t handle life and the abuse. I’ve tried all the solutions that helped me before, and the only thing that it seems to do is get worse. Each time I try to talk to anyone, they brush me off. I need help, but I can’t get it because I have no money, and my dad doesn’t care about me. I used to have someone to believe me, but I can’t trust him anymore. I feel like if I do go through with this, I’m gonna be laughed at, and I’m sick of being laughed at. I wish I could die, but i don’t know anymore.
Wow, you got it bad, I can see that, and though it probably feels like an empty statement to you, I just want to say that you are not alone. A lot of people have felt what you feel now, have been where you are now. And with tears in my eyes I even dare to admit I once was one of them. But all of that doesn’t help you, now does it?
So here is what I learned.
Eat at least 2 meals a day. Even if you have to stuff it down your own throat and you hate yourself for doing it. Your body needs fuel, and not having fuel makes depression worse.
Drink 2 liters of liquid a day. I don’t care of it’s coffee, cola, juice, or water, but your body needs it. Same as food.
Try to sleep 8 hours a night, or just lay there and listen to music to let your body rest, and sleep at night, not during the day. Your body needs regular sleeping hours. Not sleeping at night, or at all, destabilises the chemical network in your brain, which makes you more depressed.
It should take you 7 days of doing this to get you to feel a little bit better, enough to put on a coat, and go out for a walk.
Walk outdoors for 1 hour a day, rain or shine. Your body needs it. Same as sleep. Do this for 7 days. If you can do it, you can compact both weeks into 1 week.
And when you’ve done all that, vent. Scream. Find a place away from others, and scream until your throat is sore. And then go home. If you need to, scream every day, and you’ll find that after a few days you don’t need to scream that much anymore.
All of this is to get rid of the initial problems you’re having. These things should make your life a little less shitty.
And then you’ll need to find someone you trust, a counsellor, a therapist, even a teacher you trust with your heart and soul, and talk. Stop talking when emotions take over, and start talking again when you have gained control.
Currently you cannot see straight. You know this. Your life is in chaos and everyone is against you. But you also know deep inside that this is not how life is supposed to be, and it’s not. Well, it sometimes is, but not like what you are in now. So the only conclusion is that your emotions and your mind are messing you up.
I hope breaking down these steps will help you. When I hit rock bottom someone told these steps to me, and as I am now alive because of them I am passing them on to you.
Be safe. Stay alive. Get through the day. Rewind.
Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy
thank you, you plan would work, if i were allowed to leave my house, and i didnt live in a city where crime is of an abundance. but i do thank you for this info, i will try everything i can, i just wont be able to go outside.
Then at least work though the first steps. And maybe when you have done that you can find a buddy who is willing to walk with you to keep you safe.
Enjoy the good days and just try and get through the bad ones. Life is rough right now, I know. But given time you might just crawl out from under all of this. Isn’t it then at least worth trying? I know I am just a nobody dude on the internet, but you have everything inside you to have a great future. It is just covered by a lot of mud and dirt of problems. If you can’t take walks then maybe screaming into a pillow or hitting your fists into it for an hour might work. I have heard of it working, but I walked.
I hope you’ll be alright.
I know this is over two years old but I hope you’re still around, and things have improved for you.
I just made an account because I thought, on the off chance you read this, you ought to know that I just Googled “I don’t think I can do this for much longer”. I don’t know why I Google these things, I should know better, I’m a student of psychology and so I know that what I’m doing with these Google searches is called “ruminating”, and it’s not recommended. In any case, your post was on the first page of Google and reading it really helped put things in perspective. You have things worse than I ever did, and, of course, it helps to know others go through what I go through.
I’m 32 and I’ve suffered from a myriad of mental health issues. I want to tell you it gets better, but I’m not sure that’s helpful, or true. One thing I can tell you is that even if it doesn’t get better: you will. You’ll get stronger, you’ll develop grit and resilience, and when the good times come you’ll be able to appreciate them that much more.
Now that I’ve calmed down I can clearly see that my feeling like this has less to do with life itself being hard right now, and more to do with the fact it’s 2am, I haven’t been eating right, and I’m experimenting with new medications that are supposed to treat both my depression and ADHD. Unfortunately what seems to be happening is I’ll be fine for most of the day but crash so bad in the evenings it’s almost not worth it.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I actually feel as though a fog has been removed from my head and a weight has lifted off my chest. I don’t know why reading your story helped me feel better, something about that seems kind of perverse, but hopefully you can appreciate that you were able to provide a helpful, therapeutic, distraction for someone who really needed it.
I want you to know that even if the original poster doesn’t see this post, that there are people here right now that do need to hear it.
So, thank you and I hope you decide to come back.