I predict that I am going to die by the age of 18. I don’t think I’m gonna get far with just the way I am. I started doing things in my way too late. I suffered long hard years worth of pain, the kind that kept me frozen in time because my stupid actions. Now its too late to do anything. It’s too late to catch up. I know I am going to fail highschool. I know I won’t able to hold a job. And I know I’ll be a good for nothing human for the next 50 years of my life.
I am safe currently but I feel like one day in the future I might do something. If I can just have that final thing push me to the point of no return. I just feel really bad right now. I wasn’t built to live in this world, I don’t deserve this. I don’t think there is anything good waiting for me around the corner. One thing I wanted the most was someone to love me in the way I wanted to be loved. But even then, I think if I had gotten that now, I would still want to kill myself. I know I would lose them eventually because I’m messed up and no one really wants to deal with me or my emotions. No one wants to fight for me. No one wants to stay with me. No one genuinely cares about me. Nobody
I’m still going to go about my life. Strength building workouts and things that make me feel okay. Did a drawing of a character I’ve been hyperfixated on. I was really happy when I finished the sketch. I plan drawing them more because they make me happy. Probably the last joy I’m ever gonna get out of this life. I don’t think I have anything else to live for at the moment. My family is broken, my dad looks sickly and like he could drop dead at anytime. I don’t have anyone to understand or comfort me. I’m tired