I’ve really been fighting off these feelings of isolation and worthlessness today. They’ve led me down a path of self-destructive behavior in the past, and they’re coming back.
I don’t feel like I make a difference in my work, the people I care about probably hate that I don’t agree with every single one of their views, and I probably am more of a fuck up and a burden than anything. I don’t want to get up and go to work tomorrow, and I took a fucking day off last week.
It wasn’t long ago that I felt like I had so much love to give, and now I just don’t want to be alive anymore.
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Hey man…hang in there. I was in the exact same boat last night and felt so down I cant even tell you. I would say this…give yourself the power of 24 hours. Maybe decide to do nothing in particular, but do one nice thing for yourself. I understand not feeling like I make a difference. Believe me when I say that. But just by responding to this let me assure you - you make a difference to me. And if you stayed away from any self destructive impulses give yourself a congrats. Tonite I endulged the safer of 2 evils…a sweet roll and some sweet rolls over much less “appropriate” alternatives. 24 hours brother…give yourself that. And see if things look a wee bit brighter.
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Adam Actual … I wish I knew if music helps you, I have a great member of HS that has music that speaks VOLUMES to just your topic. In the interim Adam Actual … you are dealing with the worst feelings, and that SUCKS! I want to say it’s ok not to be ok. You don’t have to FIX anything, other peoples struggles AREN’t more important than yours … this is your life. To add to that if you are in a place that you are ready to therapy (or equivalent) try to make a list of your CORE values (these are the things that make you want to be you) … work is stupid every one can be replaced … from the song “Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind The race is long And in the end, it’s only with yourself” So the most important thing is to learn WHY you exist … I feel that you can’t hear (right now) that you are loved … so learn to hear yourself …
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