Hi… my name is Larissa Wade I’m from New Jersey ( age 17 ) and I legit don’t understand my life. ( Please note what I’m about to share I got help and I’m in the healing process.)
Ok so let’s go back a year ago… It was a rough time for me I just turned 16 and I would constantly have fights with my dad. I was tired and sick of it and him yelling at me it was terrible. from almost 12 and up he’s always called me every name in the book from a female dog , a f*** up, a loser , and a mistake. When I ran away at 14 I remember being chocked it was terrible I didn’t feel like I belong in a family … but when we went to the movies one day in March he yelled at me for something I didn’t do and when I came home from the movies my mom asked me what’s wrong and I ignored her and didn’t say nothing.Fast forward that Saturday that morning i self harmed on my thighs I’ve been a self-harmer for 4 years but that day I went crazy. I did it in the morning when my parents we’re out but when they came back my dad tried to joke with me and try to act like that Thursday night at the movies he hurt my feelings and that Friday he was giving me attitude and mad at me. So after that I was upstairs for a while and then it was night time I reached out to the suicide helpline because I couldn’t take it anymore I let out all the stuff that happened to me since I was 12 and then at 10 at night child services came to my door telling me they got a tip from the suicide hotline so of course my parents were mad and the child services ladies told me they had to take me to the hospital to get screened for deppression.
At that very moment I felt sick. I thought back to all the months I knew something was wrong to vaping to crying everyday coming home from school and the constant headaches I didn’t feel normal. I wanted to die my dad always judged me for my looks and everything but I also felt like I deserved it because I would do stuff as well. But being in that hospital being screened it was scary my mom was mad when I said I cut that morning because I had 50 cuts on my thighs . Fast forward they took my phone and I’m currently in a day program at a mental health facility and they saw what I was doing putting myself in danger by talking to older men on a kink dating site. I felt awful and I just didn’t feel okay so then my phone was gone for a while and then I return to school I had another child service case because I was telling people what happened and how I felt and how I was being treated.
Then, I got a job around the fall because family was still broken ( I forgot to mention my aunts noticed the abuse so they got involved and when they did they took me out one Sunday and we talked about it when they approached my parents about it they kicked me out that same night so I was with my aunts that one day ) so my aunts and grandma were not talking still and I was still going through stuff with my family so i worked and then I was talking to an older man on Facebook and was calling him my daddy because I felt like I didn’t have a father figure and because of the kink. ( I have nothing to be ashamed about I am who I am) so then I got my phone taken again but apart of me just wished I didn’t exist I know I do stuff but I feel like I deserved to hurt because I’m not good enough or because I wasn’t popular and have a great life and have money. I feel bad I still have these memories and have bad thoughts at least I get therapy but I just don’t feel normal. I’ve been judged for being African American where I grow up for listening to alternative and metal and rock and punk music because where I’m from everyone listens to trap. I feel like I’ve been bullied my whole life and wished I didn’t exist it’s hard being me and I don’t know what to do or feel it’s been on my mind lately.
If you read this far wow I’m surprised you read this but thanks for hearing me out 
Summary
This text will be hidden
)
