I dont understand my mother

I just- I don’t understand her. She’s so loving and supportive, listens to me when I have something on my mind that I can’t carry alone, but then she yells at me for feeling sick, screams at me when i have a panic attack, calls me lazy for being depressed and makes me feel like a disappointment and useless. And while she sometimes does apologise for taking her anger out on me, it doesn’t feel genuine anymore. It happens too often for that.

It feels like such a twisted situation.



it feels that way, because it IS that way.
I would sit her down when she’s in a good frame of mind, and tell her how you feel.
Tell you that the stress she feels needs to find another outlet. Perhaps offer her help to find an appropriate way to relive her stress. But at the end of the day, her anger is, Her issue. But as she loves you, she will I’m sure want to work to resolve her problem.
There are programs that deal with anger management. Frustration can build up and just erupt after awhile, but leaning to cope without being abusive to others is something we must all do. We’re not really taught about boundaries as we grow up, but it’s an important lesson that is never too late to learn. Both of you will benefit from the effort you put into building a more healthy relationship. Peace.

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What she’s doing is twisted, but to reiterate your heading, you don’t understand why. I agree with @gnuone, it’s well worth having a sit down conversation with her, but I think a helpful part of that would be to try to reach mutual understanding.

Tell her to hear you out, tell her what you’ve observed/experienced and how it makes you feel, ask if she can see and understand where you’re coming from, then ask if she can tell you where she’s coming from. It’s important to actively listen to her here. It won’t right the wrongs, but it may shed light on why she acts two different ways. Maybe she’s in bad moods at those times, maybe she has triggers, maybe she’s even unaware of the patterned nature of her behavior. In any case, it will accomplish two things: it may give you insight into why she’s acting that way so you understand more and hurt less, and it will make her aware of how deeply her actions impact you–that it’s not just a fight between a mother and child, but that it’s really hurting you and eroding your trust.

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