HI there @Xan - Thank you for posting! It is okay to drop a topic here without really knowing what your goal is. I think lots of us post without knowing what to ask for, and that is totally okay.
That sounds incredibly difficult. Keeping and maintaining friendships is one of the hardest things I have ever had to learn to get good at because for me, it makes me feel vulnerable and having to trust someone is hard for me. The biggest piece of advice I wish someone would have given me at the time I was struggling is that it is okay for it to not be forever, that does not mean it can’t be good for you. Even great.
Relationships will absolutely come and go, and when they go more often than come, I felt like I couldn’t really invest in the person because they would just leave me. Come to find out, that meant of course they did not feel close to me and valuable, so they would end up moving on. Now, whenever I meet someone and I would like to be friends, I pour into them as much as I want to get back. If they move on, I feel like the impact in my life was worth it. Sometimes though, they stick around because we make each other better people.
I am really happy you are here, and I look forward to learning more about you and I hope today you are doing well