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I don't wanna live anymore even though have stuff to live for

I hate my life…I’m confused… I wanna scream and cry because I’m tired of living with myself and in my life. idk how to explain… Life is overwhelming and stressing me out right now too. And i hate being and feeling alone. I also realized nothing positive or good stays in my life because obviously I don’t deserve it. I wanna cry but have someone hold me but there is no one… idk if my best friend would. I also want to cut open up my arms but then I would have hide that with long sleeves but it’s too warm for that now.
Im so stupid.

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What stuff? it sounds important to you.
And well you made it here to ask for help, thats positive!
I too am overwhelmed but oddly because i am used to being isolated or ok with my own thoughts (once i learned to tame them! , now that i am forced to not go meet new people and have learned to communicate its really got me anxious as well…) and a emotional event kinda brought me here today too.

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Hey Megster96,
What have you been stressed about? Also why do you feel like you are stupid? Everyone needs and deserves love-- that includes you, my friend :slight_smile: Tell us what has been going on and maybe we can help you to feel understood and connected with.
We are hear and care about you.

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I have been stressed about my past and how my life is now, life choices, job decisions, just everything… Idk why I feel stupid I just do.
And thanks.

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My cats, my best friend and my other friend, and my photography…

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Tell me about your cats!
I have 2 cats Tesla black with tiny grey streaks of lightning, And salvador hes black with a tuxedo!
you know i can count my friends on one hand, they are solid.
Photography! Also a fan and student!

So off hand i took those 3 items and say Open A Cat Photography Studio or come to you service to start small. (or all pets of course)!

If a take a harder look there is a KITTY CANTIA that opened in my city, what they do:
They have an open bar restaurant area and a section glassed off with adoptable cats! U can pay a small fee to play with the cats while there! How great!
and Even adopt one. !
in fact they have been adopting the cats out so fast it s making local news !
They post photos with amazing cat bios eveyday online for the Kitty cafe.

So go figure a month later someone is opening up a Place like that for dogs , cool huh!

I find business an entrepreneurship magic for people finding and getting what they want in life, Live and WORK what your passionate about. This is also great for mental health!
Also its an average now of 5-7 careers people may change, thats OK! When your interviewing the place YOU want to work, well work is different.

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Ok well if you don’t mind me asking, what about your past decisions, where you are now, and your job decisions is bring upon you so much pressure?

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@CXIY Just thinking about things I did and didn’t do. I don’t know how to explain. And deciding when to go back to work even though ive had time to think about… I’ve been off work for 4 months because I was in the hospital for 2 weeks and came back and Covid happened.

Cool.
I have a Tabby cat named Ella Marie and black cat named Pepsi Gerald :cat::heart_eyes_cat: Photography is cool! but also stressful

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I am so sorry you are dealing with all this mental pressure. I can only imagine how much pain you must be going through to want to cut. It sounds like having time to think about things at home has just caused more pain and isolation.
Know that we love you here and are willing to listen if you need to talk.

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It’s my fault because I could have went back but I guess deep down I didn’t think I was ready but I’ve been lazy… and Thanks!

Wonderful names, i bet personalities match, And Pepsi Gerald how interesting!

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They don’t usually get along.

my cats fight over a special sitting spot, and never ever sleep next to each other (unless a rare cold day i caught them!) Brothers lol!

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Things don’t have to be completely horrible for me to get depressed. Sometimes I just don’t want to be here anymore. I deal with a lot of shame. A lot of mistakes and choices that got me to a place I didn’t think I’d ever be.
Sometimes I struggle to feel alive.
I can tell you from experience, cutting yourself will inevitably make you feel even less alive.
I was shown a program called Beneath the skin that offers mentorship.
It helped me so much to just have someone to go to and talk openly with without judgement. Admitting things, having some accountability, but also GRACE when I inevitably fuck up.
I didn’t use the program for a mentor, I was lucky to have them show up in my life. If you don’t have someone like that, I’d encourage you to check it out at least. :slight_smile:

Lol. Our cats sometimes sleep a foot or 2 apart from each other but that’s rare.