So for context I have been been with my wife married 2 years and 6 total together. She is a great person but when she gets angry she turns into someone else. We have periodically gotten into fights as couples. Well one time before wd had our son we had argued then she threw a phone at me and then another fight over something little and she rushed at me swinging. Now the meat of this is after we had our son in january it has gotten worse ( I know about ppd and am not sure if it isnt part of this) more frequently I have had bottles thrown at me shes tried to hurt me while holding our son in her arms. She also swung( open palm slaps) at me while ive held our son amd defended us. I do not want a divorce I love her but how do I love her and also help stop being so violent? She controls what money I can spend by guilt trippijg me which feels narcissistic but Im not sure… I dont want a divorce… what do I do ? Ive also told her grandmother about her swinging at me during a conversation and then apologized tobmy wife for telling her gram because I shouldnt have told her about that stuff its not fair to my wife that they know fhose things I have suggested counseling for us and she says she doesnt need it . Yet ive been looking into it for myself to see if my faults are the reason we fight I just want my son to be safe and no more violence after arguments what do I do.
Good morning, thank you for sharing your story. Sorry to hear about your wife being violent due to BBD. It can be challeging and not able to realize what really going on in reality of her behavior.
Best thing is to get professional help so she can get better and normalized her life again with you guys.
Since there is a child in the home safety come first, and seek professional help for you as well, it can also effect the child from seeing the violence at home.
Hope for the best
first of all, i am so sorry that you’re in this situation ,it must be very scary for her to be violent especially with your young child right there.
is there anyone she respects or trusts? When she is not in an angry state, can you talk to her calmly or does she get mad if you try to talk to her?
It definitely sounds like she needs to get help to manage her emotions and how she acts, and you should also not be financially controlled by someone like that. Do you work?
This isn’t an easy situation for sure, but you have to ensue you and your kid are safe. When she isn’t angry, does she see anything wrong with her behaviour? Is she ever sorry for what she did? If she doesn’t even know what she did is wrong or hurtful, then you need to get out of that situation where she thinks that her actions were totally justified or normal.
Do you have friends or family you can talk to? Divorce is sometimes needed to keep yourself safe. If it is ppd she’s suffering from, then she needs a doctor to immediately check her out and see if she is a danger to the kid or herself.
Telling her grandmother was a good first move. Don’t hide what is happening, you actually need support and for people to be able to help you. She needs professional help. Can you talk to her when she’s calm? that’s the first step. If you can’t, then you will have to choose another approach.
Thank you so much ! I have sought professional for me and begun on researching bbd to try and understand for myself to maybe help mitigate that.
I have talked to her calmly but it escalates quickly. I mean after the fact maybe next day or couple days she will apologoze for the incident of violence. She sees the wrong enought o apologize and Ive told her its fine obviously to not start another fight. However she has anxoety and depression and hasnt been om her meds so I think that maybe contributing as well. I do work but am currently laid off however the financial control has been before being laid off. Im just scared if it keeps escalating km scared for my sons safety not mine. I also say that not arrogantly I sas in the maeine corps so I can defend myself but my other major concern is when im not there for his safety potentially. If i could get the violence to go away she is literally great.