Hey guys… it’s me again… I’m sorry for making another post on the support wall, but I’ve come to the point where I really don’t know what to do and I’m scared and I’m lost… and in some sense I feel that I’m alone. So here goes nothing…
About four months I made a post about getting some news from my doctor that I was scared about, and well I was too afraid to go to the doctors again to get more information, because well I don’t want to die… I’m too young, I still have a full life ahead of me right? Well I never went to the doctor to talk to them about this, well in the last four months things as far as my physical health have gotten worse.
I’ve always struggled with my self image, so I decided I wanted to start losing weight again and so I’ve stopped eating three meals again, and it’s turned into eating one really really small meal a day. Well I’ve replaced it with drinking water and getting “full” on water instead of eating, which sounds fine. Except the fact that when I went for a checkup, the doctor said I’m flushing my kidneys, and I’m drinking too much water. I’ve started drinking a gallon plus of water a day (which btw is pretty much drowning myself), but I mean like it won’t kill me right??
Fast forward a bit, I was recently sexually assaulted by someone, and well now I’m sitting here with a possibility of being pregnant, and I’m freaking scared! I’m terrified. I don’t want to have a baby yet! In some sense I’m really hoping I have pcos, just so it’s not me being pregnant! I can’t deal with all this right now… I’m over it… Add onto this me trying to work on my recovery, which by the way I continue to fail daily… Pills and self harm are my comfort… and I wish it wasn’t.
I’m sorry for being a burden to this community… and maybe it’s best if I isolate until I can figure this out and I can come back and be a better person. Just know I love all of you guys!
Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,