I don't want to forgive them

At least right now I don’t

It’s about my mom and my brother, probably my dad too because he emotionally betrayed the family by cheating and lying.

They all hurt me so much. Every single one of them except for the youngest, he has a more severe form of autism but I like him, he’s nice.

Everyone else I hate…
My second little brother is always making me upset and he’s always so goddamn negative. My mom is incredibly judgemental and lacks the capacity to see different perspectives.

I can’t talk to anyone about my feelings, or else I get-
“Stop being so sensitive”
“You’re irrational”
“It’s not that bad”
“You’re fine”

Yeah mom you gave me a food and shelter and clothes which is the bare minimum but we never connected emotionally. I feel rejected by you, I feel rejected by my brother and you enable him to say stuff that makes me upset, and I feel rejected to my dad because he lied to me.

I’ve tried to forgive every single one of you time and time again, made excuses and everything. I don’t want to do that anymore, from now on, I’m not letting you into my energetic space, im cutting that off and any unsolicited advice is going out the other ear.

I’m done, you don’t get my forgiveness until I say it
I deserve better than this


Very true. It’s especially difficult if forgiveness is associated with increased vulnerability. That’s often the case, especially if an emotionally abusive person says something like “you should be forgiving,” and you know they want you to forgive for the sole purpose of making you easier to manipulate.

It’s easier to forgive if the person can no longer hurt you. I think you’ve made a move in that direction when you decided to not let those offenders into your energetic space.

You are living around multiple layers of dysfunction. It’s not likely it’ll be any different as long as you are there. You really can’t compel people to stop being who they are.

You really do need to talk to someone about your feelings. It’ll help you maintain perspective. It sounds like no one in your family is available for that kind of interaction. It could and probably is a case of dysfunction passed down through generations. Therefore your parents and as a result, your siblings, are simply following those patterns. They probably don’t think they’re doing a thing wrong. Under the circumstances, forgiveness should probably take the form of “I know you just can’t help yourself, because you don’t know any better, and see no reason to change.”

I hope it gets better for you.

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