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I don't want to live but not suicidal


#1

Im typing this because life is just going downhill. I feel like im in a loop in life. I’ll be happy or at least try, but there is that one felling that just makes me want to die because my household isn’t the best. I try pleasing my parents but it just seems like they don’t care or appreciate me around. It makes me feel like a dissapointment. I’ll try to ask a question about something that they are teaching me. Then they’ll mad or fustrated and just leave. When that happens I feel like I just don’t matter. I keep thinking “I should be dead.” or “I don’t deserve to live.” I honestly thought of putting myself up for adoption because of verbal and phisical abuse. Hope you guys don’t turn out like me.


#2

Hi friend, I’m so sorry that things at home are so stressful and hurtful. I come from a very broken and abusive house hold so I can kinda relate to hardships in the home.
Is it possible at all to take your parents aside and talk to them about how you feel? And express that you want to make them happy but feel like they aren’t appreciating you? Maybe if you can talk to them a little then can hear where you are coming from and you can work on it as a family.
I know sometimes this doesn’t always work. But it’s worth a try.
I can understand why you don’t feel like it, but you DO matter. You are so important and your feelings are valid. In this moment there’s a lot going on so I’m sure feeling valued doesn’t come very easily. But we care about you and we are here to walk with you so you don’t have to be alone.
I may not be able to resolve what’s going on, but I can extend friendship.
I’m sending you so much love right now, friend.

Hold fast


#3

Hey there,

Thank you so much for coming here and sharing this with us. I want you to know that despite what is said to you or how you are treated, you are so much more valuable than you know. I know it may be hard to see it right now, but you are worthy of life. You most definitely deserve to live. You are most certainly not a disappointment but rather a beautiful person with thoughts, questions and ideas worth hearing! We love and appreciate you. Keep fighting and know that you are very much loved.

Hold Fast,
Hannah Rhodes


#4

Hi Iwishyouwell,

I am so sorry that you are going through that right now. I want you to know that you are worthy and you are enough. Your parents are not supportive and are hurting you. But sometimes biological family is not the family you need. Don’t let the people who hurt you make you believe that you are not enough because you are enough. If you ever need somewhere to turn to I hope you know that we will always be here to respond with love and respect.

Love,
Cassie


#5

It sucks to feel like you’re always trying to please people and failing over and over, especially when it is your parents. But your value does not come from the things you can do to make others happy. If people aren’t satisfied with you, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. There are people who will appreciate you.
We love you. You matter.

Jaden


#6

You are loved, you are strong, and you are not alone in this. Thank you so much for sharing. I have had the same thoughts in my life - that I didn’t deserve to live, life wasn’t worth anything so why even be here. But I can absolutely promise you there is so much to live for, and you are such a strong person for reaching out, and simply because of that, you will make it through to the light. And I am always here, as are heartsupport, and you are amazing :sparkling_heart:


#8

Hey <3

Thank you for being honest and open about this struggle. It shouldn’t really happen, but some parents don’t know how to parent that well. they should be the ones having your back, showing you kindness, patience, preparing you for later in life. I’m sorry that you’re in this mess, but life can still develop for the better. You can get to a place where you are happy and safe. I think a good thing to do, is to try to reach out to someone outside of your home, maybe a teacher, councilor, nurse, etc. Getting cps involved wouldn’t be a bad choice here. You have to be honest and open to whoever you reach out to, so that you can make sure that all your concerns are heard. Don’t hesitate to update us or maybe join the twitchstreams or discord so you can connect with us.

Family is more than blood, and life is more than this. Hushy~


#9

I was couch hopping for 2 years after my dad abandoned me. I had friends and family treat me really freaking badly. Yell at me for not helping around the house, even though I did I just did it when they were at work. Not Looking for a job when I would go out 6-12 hours a day and WALK to different stores and asking for jobs. Told I take to much from them, even though I was basically starving myself. Tell me all I did was be on the computer even though I was looking for jobs or draining the little bits of my energy doing commissions. After my sister told me “I wasn’t her family, I was a burden and a waste. I need to grow up and be on my own, I never bother.” Then kicked me out I gave up. I succumbed to twisted promises from false friends. With that and the neediness of my then partner I started selling my body, I was taking drugs, being abused by strangers, friends, family. I wasn’t loved. So I did attempted suicide, I failed one. One of the girls who I worked on the corner with found me and saved me. After an intense argument with her about how I hated myself she told me that I had a chance. She convinced me to escape from everything and made me realize how far in my head I was. I then took the steps to be free. SHe told me to give myself a name while working on the streets that reminds me of that strength. So I Named myself Lilly, a flower I see as something that seems fragile but is so strong and willing.
I broke up with the person I was dating, found a person who loved me. Despite me doubting him, I now live with that person and trust him.
Sometimes it takes a metaphorical slap to the face to see that you are worth something and you can take the path to do it. You may slip up and feel like a failure but it’s just healing, physical therapy takes time, so does something like this. Find a small sliver of hope, it can just be a pinhole of light. Hold that as tight as you can. Fight to keep that light.
You can ask for help, you SHOULD ask. You are someone who needs to be loved and put in a place where you are loved.


#10

I feel like I could have written this post. There was a period of time when I was in Texas where I sat with Cassie, her friend, Raven and Dylan, and I poured my heart to them because of how much pain I was feeling. I was going from somewhere I was with real family, back to abuse. It’s like… I had this conversation with Dan before… I very much believe the love we have for eachother is different because of our relationships with our family. For me, I love Dan on the same level, if not actually more than my family because of the way I’m treated. Whereas for Dan, he has a family and friends that treat him right, so that level is less intese. I know I’m still important to him, but he has people in his physical life, where I don’t and that can make it very hard at times to feel the importance when your suicidal thoughts are eating at you. I mean, I dont have those people to prioritise, so if for whatever reason, Danjo comes to me because he’s really struggling and needs me, I can be there instantly. Whereas, for him, he has those people that he has to think about. My dad hit me and kicked me, he emotionally and verbally put me down every single day - telling me he wished I was more like my friends… However I thought it was normal. I thought it was just his way of showing me he loved me… So the fact you can see you’re being treated wrong is a big thing - and it will help
I have a constant fear of not making people proud. A constant fear that the people I love are mad at me. I mean, I message you guys probably about 3 times a day asking whether you’re mad at me over something.
You’re not alone. You’re loved.

Hold Fast
Kayla


#11

i’ve been in quite a similar situation at some point in life. nothing i did was ever enough for my parents. so i focused on my own opinion of what’s enough instead, and just put up with their insatisfaction. There’s a LOT more to life than what happens in at home. It’s hard to put aside what happens at home when it’s just too much, but don’t forget you’ll be out of it eventually. don’t give up <3


#12

@Iwishyouwell

As someone who has worked in child welfare, know that you are not alone. A lot of parents have a difficult time raising children alone, and frequently that can leave the children feeling neglected, or alone. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Is there an adult in your life who you could trust, like your favorite teacher or an aunt or uncle, that might be able to help you through some of this? Having at least one adult to reassure you, and someone you could go to and bring your worries to, who might look after you, can sincerely help. Reach out to them. Even if you aren’t close now, you would be surprised the impact you have on people, and how many are willing to look after and advocate for you.

Also, you matter. People in our lives can be selfish, and if they are dealing with someone they sometimes forget to love and support the people they are responsible for or care about. I know this gets to you, but when it does, remember that you have here to go.

If none of this seems feasible, take a look at people around you and what you might be able to do for them. If there is someone in your life who could use cheering up, draw them a silly picture. Call a friend or family member just because, one that you haven’t spoken to for a while. Brighten someone else’s day, and see then see how you make a difference in this world, a positive difference, and hold on to that.

Hold fast, this storm will pass. Be well, my friend.


#13

@Iwishyouwell Hold Fast. You’re loved.