Back to heartsupport

I Endure So Much Hatred and Stress Every Single Day

I am having the most bittersweet situations going on and all of it is leaning more to bitter than sweet. I love my career and it’s because of the people I work with. We all share the same stress. Well, it’s getting so overwhelming and making me want to quit most days. Yesterday I didn’t even go to work since I cried so much at work on Monday. I do telecommunications and it’s for a very sensitive program. Usually I would not say for what it is, but since I am not giving anyone’s information or the exact programs, I guess I can at least say I take calls for cardholders of different programs. I take one program more than the others and this particular program has some very hateful people. These people tell me I do not know what it means to struggle, that I am trying to keep their funds from them, call me names and call me incompetent.

It hurts because these people do not know my struggle. I even told a person today that I am as frustrated as they are because we get little information like they do and I apologized, and still he attacked me saying I’m just reading a script and that nothing I said was sincere. It’s sad because I had exhausted every resource for this guy because of his age, but it was out of my hands. These calls are starting to depress me (well it’s not a start anymore, I am depressed), but I cannot just quit because I have four mouths to feed which does include myself. To really be honest, and I can only say this here, I’ve tried sabotaging my job so I can be fired, but ironically I’ve been promoted twice and this time to a supervisor who still takes calls of irate callers. Funny, right? They said I handle the calls of irate callers perfectly and they could really use my help. I’m a sucker because I accepted the promotion because of course it pays more and I have a hard time saying no to my work family.

Each day at 3:30pm EST, I get so excited because the workday is over, but that excitement only lasts through the car ride home. I get home and I immediately have to hear bad reports about my children (even if it’s not really bad which that’s the case mostly for my 9y/o). Then I have to deal with my daughter’s outrageous tantrums and how ornery she is. I hate saying it because it sounds so messed up as a mother, but she is flat out my worst behaved child right now. And no amount of consequences phase her. I mean I get it because she’s only two, and I hate comparisons but this truly applies; I can look at other people’s two year olds and the difference is major. I don’t see their children throw tantrums or hit others. I’ve even seen timid quiet two year olds.

She only hits her brothers, but today she threw dirt in a little girl’s face and hair and in the store she ran around and threw herself on the floor. Usually I put the twins in a cart, but I needed them to burn some energy. Her twin brother only ran around, but then back to me. In the car she was screaming bloody murder and I am positive other drivers could hear her.

I am so exhausted and I constantly think about running away from my life or I look up vacation plans I cannot afford. I know these are regular life problems, but why must it depress me or make me doubt that I can handle it any longer? Why do I actually feel incompetent in my job and in motherhood? Why do I dread getting up each day?

1 Like

To me an outsider, it seems like you’re doing a great job maintaining your work and still taking care of your family. I think holding on to a job that depresses you is not a good idea though, because your mental health is really important and if your work is depressing you maybe it’s time to move on. You probably would also be great at your next job.

I definitely understand the importance of changing jobs if it’s depressing. I haven’t felt this way until now and most likely because I began being depressed when I was denied of housing, but this is the type of job I’ve always wanted. And the fact I already have family doubting that I can stay at a workplace motivates me to continue working harder. Everyone feels that if I leave this job, it should be my last and I should just apply for SSI. I don’t want to take the easy way out and I want to prove them wrong and finally get back to being in a workplace for longer than two years. I know it sounds crazy, but I know Monday I had cried over personal issues at work and wanted to just give up and go home, but I stayed. My boss was so confused when I walked into her office 2-3 hours later asking a question because she had thought I left. When she asked why I hadn’t went home I said I got over myself and continued with my question. Lol It’s just some days its way harder than it should be because I am there to help these people and our offline (does not do calls) have been making it impossible. Like I said I know all my co-workers suffer the same stress and I just want to push through like the rest of them.

It’s great you’re motivated to work hard and keep your job. Therapy is also a great option. Maybe you could get a therapist to deal with your personal issues and improve your coping skills so that you’re not too overwhelmed by them.

I have a therapist. I just haven’t been able to see her in the past few weeks because her schedule is packed. I get to talk to her next week thank goodness.

This topic was automatically closed 7 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.