I Enjoy Hurting Myself

Its fun… hurting my self… i like scratching myself… biting myself too… most people think its weird… even suffocating myself gives me a good hit… but I want more… cutting myself… letting myself get used to pain… so I don’t have to be scared when I find a way to do it… don’t try to stop me… I just want people to know I exist

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Hey @anon48571861,

I see you. You don’t need to hurt yourself to exist. But I understand that feeling, and how much pain can make us feel alive.

May I ask if you’re hurting yourself right now/if you are safe?

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Yeah… i’m usually in a safe place… mostly at home during the night… sometimes at school… i don’t want getting hurting more than i’m meant to… but yeah… maybe I should try something else… for some reason… everyone is just happier when I’m hurt

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Good. I’m glad you’re safe right now. Thanks for letting me know. <3

everyone is just happier when I’m hurt

What makes you say that? Do you have some examples? I’m just trying to understand, because that sounds pretty rough and violent. You don’t deserve any pain, friend.

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Well… whenever I am sick, or have a skin issue, or get surgery… everyone is there for me… and enjoys me… but when I’m not… I just feel like a tool… that forces me into 18 years without choice… well… minimal choice

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Ahh, gotcha. That totally makes sense. Once we’re in a hospital bed or physically hurting, people see that something’s going on and show that they care. But when it’s about internal/emotional pain, or loneliness, it’s very different.

I don’t think people are happier when you are hurting though. They probably show more concerns than they would if you’d appear to be okay, for sure. But it’s a manifestation of love, even if it’s temporary.

I just feel like a tool… that forces me into 18 years without choice… well… minimal choice

I’m sorry you feel like you had no real freedom and choice so far. That’s a thought I can deeply relate to, at a personal level, and I know it really hurts. Is it about your relationship with your family, or your parents eventually? I’d like to know how it looks like for you, if you’re willing to share.

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It just that… my parents always tell me what I should do… and I don’t really get that much say in what i do… and i’m forced to do things that I dislike and if i mess up then… it’s 5 more long years before i can be myself… and I don’t remember how I survived for the last 13… all I have is bad nostalgia… and when something good happens… it doesn’t feel real… it just feels like a guilt trip…

I know you exist. Also I bite myself too… I want to get to know you better…
I don’t really know what to say other than that… I am so awkward… :frowning:

That makes perfect sense.

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