I failed once again

I failed once again. I swore I would never cut myself again yet I keep going back to it. The urge to do it is too strong and most times it feels like it’s the only thing that helps when my emotions take over and my mind goes dark places again. A good friend of mine made me promise to always call him whenever I feel the urge to do it and sometimes that works but often I don’t do it because I’m scared to be too much for him and I don’t want to drive away the one person that truly cares about my life.
I just feel like a complete failure cause I can’t seem to get my shit together and stop being such a wreck. I feel like this will never get any better. And what’s the point of constantly fighting this if I’ll fail again anyways? I’m so tired of having to fight against my own mind.

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My heart breaks for you so much. I understand the struggle. You are not alone and I don’t see you as a failure but someone struggling with so many emotions and pain. I see someone who wants something so bad but it’s a hard fight. Self harm is addicting and not easy to overcome. Have you tried to see a counselor to help cope with some of these thoughts. I know how hard the struggle is and I know I’m not healed yet but beating myself up with self hate just continues the cycle. I’ve been learning to not justify the slip ups but to meet myself with compassion and grace. To keep trying to get better. Rewrite is a book offered through heart support and has a lot of great advice. I’d recommend looking into it. I know it’s hard to reach out in those moments and can cause so much pain when we can’t. I also know that you being honest on here takes so much courage and strength. You are doing the right things even if you keep messing up. Sometimes we need extra support to get through these things and it takes time but that is okay. You deserve to be gentle with yourself I know it’s easier said than done but I see you are trying. If you ever want to talk here for you. You aren’t alone. You are worthy. You are enough, you are loved. This doesn’t define you and recovery is hard but it’s possible. I know coming from some still struggling isn’t as hopefull. What I do know is I had a few years clean so I know it’s possible. Take it one day even one moment at a time. Please don’t give up on recovery even if it takes time as long as you keep moving forward and getting back up. You are not alone and my heart hurts for you.

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You have not failed.

I’ll say it again, you have not failed.

You have much more experience in ways of coping in healthy ways, you have reached out so you have people who you can rely on for support, this is not a failure.

We all slip up here and there, it’s ok. It’s part of being human.

It’s ok to cry and be upset for a bit. Just let those emotions power your fight to get better.

We believe in you.

Lys (ur old pal Blurryface)

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