good morning. so the past 2 weeks ive been struggling alot. ive had a really really bad panic attack 2 weeeks ago. n ever since ive just got hit with deppression pretty hard, and. i just got this feeling i never felt in a long time. this feelinhg of no emotion. dont feel sad. dont feel happy. just the void… i seeen the counsoler but its still really hard to deal with. i cant listen to the voice. i cant let it take over. ive fought too hard to end everything. i hate this feeling i just want it too end. i really wanna self harm. too feel again. but i know thats not the right thing to do. ive been writing in my journal and thats helped. i just need to get this out. this feeling i have its dangerous. i know it is i cant let it take over. last time i felt this. was when i tried to end it all. n ended up in the psych ward. i cant let it happen again. i cant let everyone down. its like this voice never goes away. it gets so overpowering so intense. its exhausting. just i feel done with everything. like yesterday i had a scary moment. i wrote a poem and i dont remember writing it. it scares me soo much
If you don’t mind me asking, do you have any outlets including writing and seeing your counselor?
I can honestly say that I know the struggle. I’ve been the struggle for a long time. In comes in waves for me a lot of the time. But there is hope. Regardless of you feel it there or not. My counselor suggested that when I get those feelings to call someone I trust that can pull me out of that train of thought. And though we don’t answer immediately sometimes on here, we are always here for you. You are not alone!
Message me anytime!
From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)
Hi Friend, I am so sorry that you are suffering, it is frightening when you have been to such a dark place, left it and fear returning, which indeed makes me wonder if this is maybe why your brain is not allowing you to feel anything? Emotional numbness is a defence mechanism employed by the mind to avoid intense and overwhelming emotions such as fear, that in turn seems to be causing you more fear and you are on this merry go round. You cant let it happen, you cant let everyone down!!! so much fear its overwhelming. Friend you need to try to calm down a little, I know that is easy for me to say but even if its only for a few moments at a time, deep breathing, trying to focus on something other than what you fear, you may find you start to feel instead. I truly hope you can begin to have some belief in yourself that you are not letting anyone down and things start to improve with the help and support of those around you and your friends here. Much Love Lisa x (edited)
Yes I do actually. I see a outreach worker once a week my counselor once every 2 weeks n my psychiatrist once a month. But I think that will change since I’m moving home end of November. Thats definitely one of the reasons I feel like this
Hi @magicjack2000 ,
Thank you so much for posting. I am sorry that I couldn’t have responded to you in real time, but I have read your post at least 3 times now.
I personally have never dealt with self harm, but I know what it feels to feel nothing. Just kinda empty. It must be so hard. It sounds like you have gone through this kind of pain and void before. What helped you before? What used to make you happy? What is something that you can do for yourself for your own self care? Writing and talking to your counselor are such great things, and I love that you’re doing that. I like to sing. I like to go for a walk, go find some pretty leaves, or go find pinecones (they remind me of someone who makes me happy and smile). Do you have anything like that?
Next thing I want to make sure of is are you safe? Are you safe from others and yourself. It must be super scary to not remember writing a poem. It must be so hard having these feelings and not wanting to go down that path again. Upu are strong. You are stronger than you think. We are here for you.
Have you talked to your counselor or therapist about the feelings because of your moving home at the wnd of November?
Keep reaching out. We care about you. You matter. You are not alone.
Hold fast. You’ve got this,
Megs
Thank u for responding.its hard. But I have reached out to my counselor and I see a outreach worker once a week. Gonna see a psychiatrist on Tuesday hopefully
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