I’ve been bottling up my feelings for too long and it’s eating me on the inside. I have zero friends at school and have no one to talk to online, lack of social interaction has altered my brain chemistry to avoid people at all cost although I crave attention and company. It’s incredibly difficult for me to approach people, I just can’t. I am not happy with the people surrounding me. I know I should learn to be comfortable with myself, but I just can’t. I feel terrible of myself. I’ve tried psychiatry and therapy, I don’t think they worked. I have this period of feeling my best, then I crash like an airplane for weeks then it repeats. I feel like I’ve rid myself of everything.
On top of that my parents are potentially divorcing, I have no one to talk to about it and it just makes me feel the worst. Seeing other people in my school hang out with their friends makes me feel even worse. It’s like everyone’s straying away from me.
Music is the only way for me to distract myself from my problems and cope w it. But those problems aren’t going away. I have so many problems going on. I don’t know what to do.
Thank you so much for posting. Having that lack of interaction coupled witih your parents divorce can definitely be tough. On the interaction front, I feel like the last couple years with us going through the pandemic, it’s defintiely changed a lot of people’s mindsets when it came to social interaction. I became way more open and outgoing, and many many other people became people that avoided that interaction. All situations are definitely valid though.
You said music is a distraction, and I 1000% agree. I use music to take me out of and put me in different moods. Sometimes things like band forums and social media pages, or even going to concerts are a GREAT way to connect with people because you already have a common bond, and if anything it could be practice for IRL situations.
When it comes to therapy, there has to be a certain dynamic there between you and your therapist. Maybe the people you were seeing were just not the right fit? It definitely does happen, and it’s happened to me personally. I know you can battle through this, and we’re always here to support you no matter what.
I truly believe that music can be a fantastic resource, but I also believe that it’s so good to have other things in your toolbox to help you through life. Find someone you trust and feel comfortable with to share things that you need to share. It can be a journey to find someone that works for you and with you, but it is worth it in the end. I know that when I was looking for a therapist, I went through a good amount of them before finally ending up with my therapist that helped me through all of the things I needed to work through. Take it one day at a time. Find joy in each day. I believe in you. You got this!
You are strong. You are valid. You are enough. You are worthy. You matter.
Welcome to Heart Support! Thank you for being vulnerable and coming to talk about what is on your heart. That takes a lot of courage. I’m so sorry to hear that your parents might divorce, that’s really rough to go thru.
It feels like you have a lot of stress going on in your life right now and it might be time to go back to see your therapist for some more support. They can teach you how to cope with all the things going on right now and be there for you to talk to (called talk therapy). I’m happy that music helps to distract you from your problems and helps cope a little bit, but learning healthy coping skills that you can use along with music will really help you a lot.
Hi friend- sorry to hear about everything you are going through, Divorce sucks no matter, which way you cut it and can cause great stress and shame. Thank you for having the courage to share, because bottling up your feelings and emotions for so long can just start eating into us as people. I have personally struggled with maintaining friendships and shoving down the emotional discomfort and feelings for so long. I would encourage you to keep engaging in psychiatry and therapy as there is no one size that fits all with relation to providers and I know trying to find a new one can be a daunting task. However, if who you are seeing isn’t working out I would encourage you to try someone else.
I would also encourage you to stay engaged on here as we in the HS community are here for you. You are not alone and deserve love no matter where you are at. There is hope at the end of the tunnel and I encourage you to stay engaged and don’t be afraid to reach out especially on here. Also, keep up the music it can be a very cathartic way to help us work through our emotions vs just distracting ourselves.
Welcome to HeartSupport, I am sorry you are feeling so bad about yourself and that there is so much going on in your life right now that is causing such upset. I am however very pleased that you have chosen to open up and let some of these thoughts and feelings out and hope that in someway this will help, it is certainly a very big step forwards.
I can very much relate to your post, I have avoided people for most of my life and spend 90% of my time physically on my own and have done for many years. I do however now talk to people online which is great company without losing my need for solitude. It is far from an ideal lifestyle for many people in fact I would say very few could live that way and would crave attention and company but that is a very hard thing to do at the best of times and when you are struggling with your own self esteem and fear of others its nearing impossibility without help.
Friend, I would seriously encourage you to attempt therapy again for that and for help with coping with your parents divorce, that also takes its toll on the whole family and therapy will give you the coping skills necessary to manage the situation and hopefully feel a lot better.
Friend you deserve to have a better life than you are living now, you owe it to yourself to get that and live the rest of your life exactly as you choose to. I hope you feel heard today. Lisa
Firstly, welcome to this community and for sharing with us.
I can remember feeling very similar to how you describe when I was at school. I felt loneliness but found social interactions exhausting and unfulfilling, and so I isolated myself a lot when I didn’t have the energy for it. It’s not until much later in my life that I’ve come to accept that about myself. I share this because I want you to know you are not broken or wrong and just because you haven’t found where you fit in to this world and all its people doesn’t mean you that you won’t.
Being in online communities, like here in HS, helped me to fill in some of the attention and company I needed in my life; through sharing my story, my art and meeting people who truly understood me. You said you enjoyed music as well, I wonder if joining a community attached to a musician or group would give you access to people who have the same passion for music as you do. I’m sure there are a lot of people in HS who could point some communities out to you.
I know this is hard, but I wouldn’t give up on therapy yet. It can take a while to find the right person who is a good fit for you. Finding that right person can be invaluable.
Having your parents divorce must feel like the Earth falling out from under your feet. I’m so sorry that that’s happened, on top of everything else you are going through. Do you feel able to speak to your parents about how overwhelmed you are feeling, or is there another family member that you’re close to perhaps? No one should have to face all of this alone.
Stay strong x
I live in a family of 8, so I have 6 siblings including me so I know I’m not the only one facing the problem of my parents divorcing. Though I happen to not feel comfortable talking to them about my feelings, it’s always been like that. We were all ‘distant’ from each other, meaning we hardly interact with each other even in our childhood—we just preferred hanging out with our cousins or friends. Even then I don’t feel comfortable sharing my problems with my cousins either. My brother and I are the only boys in the family, but he’s grown now and he’s going to study abroad soon this September. So I’m the only one left.
Of course, it’s extremely difficult for me to find my people irl. Online, yeah, I can look up a forum for a band that I like and make friends there, it does help make me feel less lonely but I’m starting to prefer physical friends over online friends. I don’t know anyone who plays an instrument or listen to the same music as I do at school. Someone like me would be hiding in the shadows. Even harder to find. My world is pretty small. It’s just school and home. My family rarely goes on a trip. In my current situation it’s gonna be hard to ask my mom to take me somewhere like a concert.
I’m still seeing my psychiatrist though, I’m nervous about the next appointment—because I’m not certain whether my dad will come, and if he does, it’d be awkward obviously. And I think I should opt for a different psychiatrist/psychologist. I’ve been seeing her for a long time, but hardly any of my problems went away. Medications only helped me keep going. Now I stopped taking them because I grew uncomfortable having to take one and that they weren’t working anymore.
I feel a little relieved now getting this out of my system, thank u all once again