I feel gross

I feel absolutely horrible today. So, long story short, the past few years I have gained a lot of weight due to different medications. In the last year or so, I have gained around 80-90 lbs. I am currently 256 lbs, and as someone who is 5’1, I am classified as morbidly obese. And I can certainly feel it. Just recently I have been having joint issues/pain, but the thing that really disgusts me is when I had to use the bathroom, I had to use the bar next to the toilet to assist me in getting back up. I thought to myself, this is fucked. I used to be so petite and small and now I’m this fat lard. I just feel like breaking down and just not doing anything all day today. This fucking sucks.


Hi @SageTheSpirit

I know what you’re feeling and gaining wait sucks, my highest weight that I know of was 306 pounds and mostly because of meds, but I also have had a problem with being overweight most of my life. So, it’s really easy for me to put weight on. I asked my doctor finally if there were meds he could put me on that don’t cause weight gain and he put me on something different.

Ask for something different, there are lots of meds that don’t cause weight gain.


Oh don’t worry, I’m off that certain med now, but the challenge is now losing all of this weight. I have no motivation, but at the same time I’m absolutely disgusted with myself.


It’s extremely hard to get motivated when you already deal with mental challenges, but I think in order for us to really want something like loosing weight or stopping drug abuse, it has to come from within yourself somewhere. For some people, it takes a health scare and being morbid obese puts a big strain on your body and also is responsible for a lot of different health issues.

The thing that woke me up was that during an ultrasound for another issue, they found fat on my liver. That’s when I started to pay attention. Unfortunately, I spend two years in a delusion believing that I would go blind if I ate. I have type 2 diabetes and watched a show on a couple who both went blind because they didn’t have control of their glucose levels. I starved myself for 2yrs and lost 160 pounds. I’ve gained some back, but I’m back to struggling to keep it off again.

So, I hope you can find a healthy way to loose it. Watching calories, high fiber, low carbs and fat (what i’m doing). Walks here and there or if you like to exercise, go for it. You don’t have to go on a crazy diet or starve yourself. :hrtlegolove:


Right now it’s hard for me to leave the house because of an undiagnosed medical condition, but I do need to at least start doing at home workouts like sit ups or something because this is becoming too much both physically and mentally. Also, congrats on your weight loss journey! :heart:


You don’t have to “work out” at all. I sat at my computer most of the day only getting up to do some housework or sit outside. I can’t walk very far or do a lot of physical stuff. I just ate less calories then my body needed, but went too low and that was unhealthy. You can do whatever physical stuff you can do without hurting yourself or over doing it.

Don’t put pressure on yourself, you can only do what you can do.


I think that is most of my issue, is just the eating. I mean, I would like to get out more and exercise for the sake of mental health, but due to an underlying health condition I’m unable to leave the house.

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Hey SageTheSpirit,

EsRivs responded to your post today live on stream with some amazing words of support!

Here is a link to her reply in a video that you can watch!