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I feel incompetent compared to everyone else

I’ve always felt like the dumb child. I wouldn’t really pay attention at anything I would always daydream and I’d constantly get comments like “use ur brain” “you lack common sense” “ugh, you’re so dumb” by my family members and I would even get passive aggressive comments from my teachers. For example, this teacher I had in grade 7 would always give tests face up to other students and face down for me and she would tell me “what do you think you’re good at” with a mischievous smile on her face. And these comments still affect me to this day. I feel like I’ll never measure up to my peers. And now I’m in high school and my sister’s grade 11 grades were always excellent as she was at the top of the class. I just have a feeling my teacher who taught her believes I am inadequate compared to my gifted sister. And I get grades below the class average on top of that. I just feel so bad about myself. And when I talk about this to my sister, she would say I don’t like your attitude as if I was doing something wrong by expressing my feelings. And when I tell my friends how I feel like I’ll do bad on tests, it seems like i drain their energy with my negativity. But the thing is that I can’t help it. I just can’t seem to bring myself to view myself as smart enough. It just does not click in my head. I genuinely feel as though I am the dumbest person ever. Another thing is this guy who used to be in my school bus, who never spoke to me in real life, has started snap chatting me. And one time it came up in the conversation that I have a sister who goes to med school. When he found that out he started only snapping me when he needed something like to know what grades my sister got in grade 11 and 12 and what universities she applied to etc. Basically how she got into med school because he wants to go there to become a doctor and he’s applying to a competitive program. And one time he was bragging about his math grades, mind you this guy is a grade higher than me so grade 12. And then he asked me how long do I spend studying for math tests per day and I said 2 hours then he wrote “looool” “that’s so funny”. And that made me feel bad because it seems like he think I’m a full blown idiot. I just don’t have the motivation to make effort in school because I feel like no matter what I’ll always manage to perform poorly. I also have test anxiety like I study so much to the point I have no social life just to fail that test cuz my mind goes blank whenever I do a test that I convinced myself is hard. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. And when I ask friends for help with homework, none of them are willing to help and I feel like a burden to them by asking questions. They use excuses like “I’m busy rn” “I’m didn’t do the homework yet” “idk either”. The worst part is that they always get top class grades so I know for a fact that those are lies. It feels like none of my friends care about me and I’m a waste of space to them. I just wish I had someone to talk to because it seems like no one understands my struggles.

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I’ve never been through anything like that, and I can’t ever know exactly what somebody is going through, but I can tell you this.
The world has no right to treat you like you are dumb, because you are not. I can tell you are not. Dumb people are just the kind of people who can’t see past the blindfold they’ve been raised with. I can tell that you aren’t dumb. I would gladly help you if you have any questions, by the way,
and also, if people don’t care about you, they are not your friends. I also must point out to you that you would not have thought of to go on Heartsupport if you were that dumb.
You are definitely not stupid.

People who call you dumb should’t be saying that, That’s bullying.
Also, you would not be a waste of space to me. I am actually angry that anyone would be calling you dumb, and I understand how it feels to get passive comments like that from a teacher.

You can talk to me if you need to.

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