I have been battling this feeling for most of my life. My older sister was the one who was a part of every club and had the best grades in school; whereas, with me, I struggled hard core. My parents didn’t really know how to help so they tried using her as a motivating technique and compared her success to my failures. Needless to say, it didn’t work. Even though my parents acknowledged me, I was still in my sister’s shadow and I feel like this is where it all started. Growing up, I did try to reach out and really make friends at school and church, but I felt disappointed. I would try to talk to my youth minister about how I was feeling and what I was going through, but he would either just walk away mid-sentence or just brush it off completely and the other youths either excluded me or bullied me (I did make a few friends but either they were older than I was or it was hard to see them outside of church; with school I made a handful of close friends but I felt like I needed more) I’ve always had problems fitting in.
Flash forward to today, I have gone to therapy and have processed through most things from my childhood and adolescent years, but I still feel invisible a lot. I’ll be in a party chat or group message and I’ll say something or send a few messages and no one will acknowledge me. Even in person, I’ll say or do something and its like I don’t exist. I don’t understand what it is about me that just says that I’m a background character. I do the same thing as someone else, and everyone notices the other person and I hardly get glanced at. Flip side, I do something for me or that is unique to me and still no one notices. I try not to let it get to me because I know that I’ll dwell and ruminate, but it still gets to me on some level. It’s a very weird place to be in mentally. I know I’m not invisible and I know that nobody does it in a malicious way, but there’s a part of me that says “why even bother or try”.