i always feel like im such an emotional burden to everyone. like that im just draining the life out of everyone and that i just am going to be lonely eventually. im kind of in a way coming to terms that no one cares about me that much and if i were to just be quiet id end up just not being important and people wouldnt care about me a lot. its almost like im known for being draining and i feel like people hate me. and its not even like a negative emotional burden, due to ADHD when i get so bored i have to “self-stimulate” which basically means i have to supply my own form of entertainment. ive always been like that and sometimes trying to do this i go through really really bad hyperactivity and impulsivness episodes to the point where people are asking whats wrong with me, and because now im hyperactive i cant process things good enough so i just think theyre angry at me or hate me and then it really brings me down because i feel like its almost something i cant control and if i try to control it it just feels bad. its almost like i cant be myself in certian situations and i really dont like it because i have to supress my hyperactivity around my friends because i feel like ill be a burden to them.
and honestly when it comes to negative emotions too that come with the intense amount of depression and anxiety with ADHD where i can reach points in my depression and hyperactivity mood swings i will completly dissacociate from the world around me and just spiral and do something impulsive that affects everyone negativly adn i dont notice it does. i also dont want to blame it on a mental disorder because its not 100% the disorder because i dont let it take over my life like that. but i dont know how to explain it to people without people just like thinking im fucking crazy and i really hate it. because sometimes when i get so depressed i just dont want to talk to people at all and people just ask me whats wrong and i cant tell them because if i open my mouth i feel like i just cant say anything. so i just like give them a blank stare and they dont know what to do. it just makes me feel worse because i feel like im making their day bad by not telling them whats wrong, but yeah idk.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It is important to open up about what’s going on with you. That doesn’t make you a burden. You are never a burden and you are never too much, no matter what you tell yourself or what others say. You are valuable and loved unconditionally.
Most of the time people react to us out of their own film they’re currently caught up in. That doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with us, which is also true for our own thoughts. You write that you feel like people hate you and that you’re worried you might be lonely in the future. That doesn’t mean you have to fight these thoughts, but becoming aware of them and taking a note that they are just thoughts and not the truth would put your self-judgment into perspective.
What is there you can do in the here and now to improve your situation? Could you share with a friend how you feel? Maybe there is a way they can help you when things become difficult? Are you aware of your triggers that lead to intense emotions coming up and the dissociation? Is there a way you can remind yourself to take a couple of deep breaths when things become more difficult, like putting post-its?
Do you have professional support to deal with everything you are going through? - It is a lot and it’s not easy. Acknowledge that, too. Don’t beat yourself up for it.
hey friend, thank you for having such strength in your vulnerability to share this. it’s a frustrating situation, to feel like you’re alone and misunderstood. you say that you can never bring yourself to tell the ones that ask how you are the truth on what’s going on… is there someone you trust you can be open and honest with? someone you can share all of this you have written here with so they can know where you’re at in life and what you need. i understand though on how difficult that may be, kinda easier said than done. something i’d also like to ask is if you’ve seen a professional on your ADHD, depression, and anxiety? i’ve had times in my life similar to yours and being able to learn coping techniques with my own depression and anxiety as well as receiving medication has made a huge impact. i hope one day you can feel secure in being your full self, no longer forcing yourself to suppress any of the aspects that make you who you are. you are incredible and so loved, valued, and appreciated. you MATTER! wishing you the best, my friend. love, twix
Hello, ythultra! People would notice if you didn’t talk. And they would care. I truly believe that. I once became angry at everyone at school and just chose to not talk for three days to anyone there. Didn’t explain why. I just didn’t speak. My silence spoke volumes and I was whispered about to the point the teacher told me I was causing a disturbance and needed to start talking. I didn’t think anyone would care either because I had no friends in my class.
All our lives impact people more than we think we do. We are all stones causing ripples and those ripples keep hitting each other and impacting each other even when we don’t realise it.
People wouldn’t spend time with you if they didn’t want to. They choose to interact with you just as you choose to interact with them. And if you cannot be your true self around your friends then they are not real friends. There are people in the world who will not only accept every quirk and hyperactive part about you but will love you for those things. Because they are part of who you are and you are a unique and amazing individual who can light up people’s lives.
As an introvert I love surrounding myself with active and loud people because I can enjoy their joy from my quiet corner. Friends come in all different varieties and I think your variety is one that people would enjoy being around.
As for never knowing what to say when you are in a depressive state and you don’t know what to say. I usually go with “I’m just a little tired” because it’s true even if it isn’t the full picture. Depression and having those lows can be so tiring. And people are easily able to accept “tired” as an explanation for not being active or verbose in conversation. You don’t have to hide what you are feeling or your depression but if you want a simple way to explain it that isn’t actually a lie…it’s a thought.
I think you can shine really brightly and be an awesome friend being your true self. Whether it is with your current friends or new ones you find elsewhere.
Good luck and stay true to yourself
I also struggle with ADHD - only diagnosed as an adult. So I hear you on the impulsive obsessive behavior. Self-stimulating behaviors and hyper focusing.
Hello again, friend! It’s been awhile. How have things been? Have you managed to open up to your friends at all or found anyone to confide in?
You haven’t posted in ages. I told you people would notice if you stopped talking. We noticed and we see you. We’re here.
I hope you have been doing okay and I hope you choose to update us again on your life if you feel like it.
I hope to hear from you again soon. Keep swimming
From: Dark Weeb 666 (Matt)
Hi ythultra I wanted to checked up on you and how you were doing. It seems like you are going through a lot. Had things got any better? I wanted to tell you that being mentaly ill does not mean being crazy. You are who you are and everybody has problems ok .I hope you are doing better but if not, it is ok to say so.
Hey Friend, Just checkin in on you to see how you’re doing. It’s been awhile since we heard from you. I can relate to some of the things you’re feeling and I hope you have found some peace. ~Mystrose
Hey Friend, Its been a month since you posted this and I thought it might be a good time to see how you are doing? I hope you havent stopped talking completely? I also hope things have settled a little in the last month and that life has calmed down a bit. I would like you to know that you have friends here and people that genuinely care and that do not consider you a burden in any way so please feel free to post any time you like. Best wishes to you. Much Love Lisa x
From: Dr Hogarth
Pretending to be someone you’re not all the time is exhausting. I have ADHD too and just sitting there and concentrate on listening to people is so hard when my brain is firing all over the place. It’s such a hard thing to explain to people who don’t experience it. I hope that you’ve felt able to be more open with your friends about how your ADHD affects you. I think normalising having those discussions can have a huge impact. Remember, people here care about you x
Thank you for sharing with us what you’ve been going through. How have you been feeling lately, it’s been a while since you’ve posted. I hope you’ve been having a better time