I try to be very encouraging to everyone when I can.
A couple things have been bothering me lately.
1.) Im in the stream and on the wall frequently but all other places I’ve stepped back on social media. I lurk a lot. I respond on the wall as I’m free and mentally able. I do not check my DM as frequently as I was beginning to get a lot of messages from a lot of people. There are a few people from this community who have been throwing me through guilt trips for not responding to them faster. Making me feel like I’m not doing good enough, despite how hard I try to offer comfort, encouragement and love. Then I receive messages about suicide that makes me feel like the person is just trying to get me to answer faster. Or I’ll come back to “You’re not coming back are you?”.
I try my best to respond to everyone who messages me. But I began to get a lot of messages every single day. I am one person and I can only handle so much. Usually I don’t mind encouraging people! But there are a few people who refuse to help themselves. Who refuse to try to get better and keep dragging me in the same circle. And I have to distance myself. If you aren’t willing to help yourself, then I can’t help you. And I’m sorry, but after a while, if you keep refusing to help yourself get better, then I have to step back as it drags me down. ): I hate it. But I have to. I have to draw lines. And I have to make healthy boundaries. We all do.
2.) I feel like a failure because I am on team Thursday but I am not always available on Thursday. I do better on the wall when I can post and share sporadically and not specifically on any given one day. I feel like I let a group of people down when I come in late and there is only a few minutes before the clock strikes to the next day. I post a lot, but I’m not doing well to being committed to this specific day. It’s just easier to post through out the week and I’m really sorry if I’m dragging my team down. I love volunteering for heart support! I love spreading love, talking to people, responding. I just work better as a floater. So I’m very sorry to team Thursday.
3.) And to people here that I consider friends. I’m so sorry that I’m not able to respond as quickly as I used to. This does not mean I love you less or care less. It’s hard for me to be open about what is going on with me, so it may appear that I just don’t care as much as I say, but I promise that’s not true. There are a lot of people here that I have grown to love and appreciate. Who has always been so kind to me. Like @Kayla@Lyss@HoldxSteel@adam_actual@all_around_ashley and ETHAN. You guys have been such major pillar of strengths for me and many others in this community. And I hope you all know that I appreciate you very much. And if I’m a little slower to response please know that I’m here. I promise I’m here. Slow, but I will respond. I do care. Okay?
Hey. You’re not a failure.
I’m on the Wednesday team and haven’t been able to reply to posts for a few weeks at all. Would you call me a failure for that?
The teams are there to ensure that posts get responses in a decent amount of time - they’re not there to tell you that you HAVE to post on that day. Think of it like an insurance plan - to make sure that posts aren’t left for a week with no reply. That’s all. You’re not a failure for missing your day.
For a long time I struggled with that too- heart support was my life at the time and I felt like I let people down, but it’s just not true. The littlest things you do mean the most.
The fact that you are just a part of this community means everything. All that you have done means so so SO much.
Trust me.
You are not a failure. I will remind that of you whenever needed.
@anon17277947 You are so not a failure, you couldn’t be further from that in my opinion. You give so much love and encouragement it’s mind blowing, and it’s no wonder so many people gravitate towards you to ask for help. I think that’s a beautiful thing.
Boundaries are so important. Kitty, the fact is that you’re not going to help everyone. None of us are. Not just because of the sheer amount of people who make wall posts each day, but also people respond to things differently; if you make a suggestion for a person to try and help themselves and they don’t do it, that’s not something that’s in your control. You can’t make anyone do anything, you can tell them to do something but ultimately they have to be the one to choose to follow through.
I don’t expect anything from you, I just appreciate you and I’m grateful for you friend. We all do and we all are. Hold fast.
Boundaries isn’t something I really struggle with most of the time. It’s the very few people that are persistent in messaging me and making me feel like I’m not answering enough. I guess I don’t always know how to tell them that I just need space. I try to tell them I battle my own issues and that I try to take time out of my day and life to help them…but when they pressure me…I become afraid. Afraid I’ll say the wrong thing to set them off. So I guilt.
It’s not too often this happens actually. It’s only been a couple people. It’s hard putting your foot down on someone who is claiming suicide or something harmful. After being dragged through a loop for so long.
It’s usually these kind of people that Im careful not to say too much privately to avoid that kind of clinginess. But it isn’t always visible right away. I feel like in times like this, they need someone more professional. I’m just too afraid of hurting someone that struggles to help themselves. One wrong thing said could be a triggering point and full of regret.
I’ve definitely stepped back in where I respond. I don’t respond to every DM people send me. Because like you said, we can’t save and help everyone. It’s just not realistic. I need to just practice not feeling guilty if I don’t respond on discord to people I don’t know.
I think it heavily kicked in when one person who reaches out to me frequently started messaging me with multiple usernames. Thus, I didn’t know if it was someone else or that person. And I don’t like mind games. They haven’t reached out in a while…as far as I know. But stuff like that ruins it for everyone because then I’m just tired and want to distance myself in fear of being taken advantage of.
hey @anon17277947 i love you my friend
you are not a failure to this community. If you aren’t able to respond to messages its okay we understand. If someone messages you just let them know “hey i am unable message you right away , i hear you , i see you .” or something similar to that. Sometimes us humans need to focus on our selfs. I know how it is to need to have time to ourselves to work on us. let me know if you need anything okay friend ? <3