I feel like a loser where I'm at in life

Seeking some external support/someone who can relate to how I feel…

For being 24 years old, I live a blessed live. I have a roof over my head, I have a job that is in a field that I have never been in before and can gain valuable experience from, I have friends, I have church, and more. But on nights like tonight where it is the weekend, I couldn’t make plans to do anything, so I just sit in my room staring at the walls.

If I’m being honest, the more I think about where I’m at in life, I feel like a loser, and I really SHOULD NOT be feeling this way. But I can’t help it. Long story short, the past year and a half was the best time of my life because I was able to travel around the country, work in 2 different National Parks, hike some of the most beautiful places in the country, and meet some lifelong friends. But after all that I am back home in PA with my parents, where I just feel like a roommate in the house. I’m not in a relationship, and I look all over social media and see friends who are getting married and all that stuff, which bums me out. I am about to start my FINAL semester of my Bachelors Degree (after taking over 5 years due to working full time and travelling), which is a relief.

Basically, I feel like a loser because I’m not where I think I should be in life. I want to live out west, and although I am financially sound, I’m not financially ready to move out yet, and my current job pays modestly enough for me to pay my bills and to save a little. I feel like I’ve tarnished my own ego for thinking I am too good and that I have moved on from living with my parents as I see how people younger than me are moved away and on there own. I want to say I am happy to some extent, but when I compare myself to where I feel like I should be to where I am now, I feel like a loser.

Can anyone relate?

1 Like

I know this might not be what you want to hear but you seem to have a good life. I am saying this not to invalidate your concerns but I want to highlight some blessings in your life. People including myself tend to forget some of the amazing life accomplishments and achievements we have. You are still very young and Lord willing you still have lots of time to do many great things in your life. Also, you are about to get your bachelors degree, which very few people have believe it or not. You have God in your life, you have friends, and a family who allows you to stay with them because they love you. You have a job and you are in what I am assuming good health. I understand once we live on our own for a while coming back to our parents house can seem daunting but look at it as a choice. You are in a predicament that allows you to have the opportunity to live at home or move out. Living at home while you get to the next step into your life is no problem. You are just trying to save money or save even more money since your already financial stable. There are people would do the same thing if they were in your shoes, and to me you are taking the smartest route. You are not a loser and you seem to be trying to plan out your life and you are trying. I loved what the comment below mines stated do not compare yourself to others and all you can do is be the best you.
Find what God wants you to do and you will find true satisfaction.
God bless and Jesus loves you

Hey @dbowlin,

Thank you for being here! I’m really sorry to hear that you’re struggling during weekends and/or at night. It’s not to diminish at all what you’re going through, but I think it’s something many people can relate with from time to time, and it’s not necessarily due to the conditions you’re living in or how satisfying your life may be or not. I think those moments can be difficult because we’re less active at night and weekends. When I tend to be very busy during weekdays, I feel depressed during the weekends and I don’t even know what to do/ I find everything boring. But it’s also because I struggle with not being active or, at least, less active than other days.

So first of all, know that you’re not alone and you’re not a loser at all. Wondering about where you’re at in your life is quite normal, expecially when you’re about to finish your studies. When I was a student I had this long moment of self-introspection too. The perspective of ending my studies worried me a lot, even if I was already living by my own, even if I was working, etc. It’s a moment of huge changes when there can be many ruminations and questions about how this transition will be. The fact that you had this year travelling is important, and the way you describe it too. It’s obvious that you had a really great moment and, somehow, maybe you’re also grieving a bit those memories. Now your current situation is also temporarily, it’s a season in your life. And you’re about to begin a new one. It can be stressful to think about the unknown and to wonder how things are going to be. But you’re gonna be okay, friend.

Your feelings are valid. So I’d like to think that something postive could emerge from all of those questions and thoughts.

Thankfully, there’s no need to rush anything in life and nothing is already written (and if it is, well… then we still can’t know it). Thinking you “should be” at some point in your life, while comparing yourself to others, can be really harmful. What is important is you and how you define a fulfilling life. Because that’s from it that you’ll be able to take the actions you need to reach your personal goals. Maybe you won’t be able to move out west at first, but I don’t think it’s an unrealistic desire. Just think about it step by step. For the moment you need to do your final semester of bachelor, then other steps will come and you can still try to think about it now.

Introspection can be an opportunity to reconnect to your personal needs and desires. You’re already able to identify what frustrates you for the moment, what you’re missing and what you’d like to do. That’s a good start! But please, don’t compare yourself to others. Each life is different from others. :wink: It’s good if your friends are married or else. But it doesn’t diminish your own worth and importance. It doesn’t mean you’re a loser either if you’re not in the exact same situation. I read this quote recently, attributed to Oscar Wilde (don’t know if it’s really from him but nevermind!), and I’d like to share it with you: “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”

Be yourself friend, live your own life. It will never be measured by others achievements.
Hold fast. :heart:


When I do this kind of thing I have some people in my life who tell me to stop “shoulding” all over myself :slight_smile: The humor in that usually helps to snap me out of that mindset. We set the standards of where we should or shouldn’t be. We can chill out on ourselves from time to time.