I’m lonely. I never leave my room. I never have weekend plans. I feel like nobody wants to hang out with. I’m too afraid too ask people to hang out cause I feel like shit when they can’t. I know it sounds dumb. In my defense, nobody ever has time for me. Every time I ask sombody to hang out, they already got plans. I know I can’t expect people to be free all the time, but I’m just sick of spendin every weekend holed up in my room alone. I wanna go skateboarding but I’m too afraid to leave my room. I don’t like doing shit by myself. It’s so hard to just go out and find friends.
I stay up past midnight every night online or playin videogames cause I’m scared of the time between when I go to bed and fall asleep cause when I’m not distracted I overthink everything and my mind goes to dark. Then when I do go to bed I can’t fall asleep from staring at a fuckin screen. I’m always tired and missed so much school cause of this. I’m late everyday. On weekends I’m still in bed past noon.
School is so hard cause I’m always tired and on top of that I’m too lazy to study or even do homework. I’m scared I’m gonna fail school and not get into college or even move out. At the same time I’m scared of goin’ out into the real world and leaving school. I’m not ready.
I did it all to myself. I let it happen and I don’t know what to do about it. Sometimes I wish I’d never been born. Sometimes I wish I was dead. It’s never gotten so bad that I felt I might try to do it but I’m scared it might actually get to that point if I don’t get help.
I feel angry and sad and tired and I need help but I’m too scared to ask for it