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I feel like crud


#1

I’m lonely. I never leave my room. I never have weekend plans. I feel like nobody wants to hang out with. I’m too afraid too ask people to hang out cause I feel like shit when they can’t. I know it sounds dumb. In my defense, nobody ever has time for me. Every time I ask sombody to hang out, they already got plans. I know I can’t expect people to be free all the time, but I’m just sick of spendin every weekend holed up in my room alone. I wanna go skateboarding but I’m too afraid to leave my room. I don’t like doing shit by myself. It’s so hard to just go out and find friends.

I stay up past midnight every night online or playin videogames cause I’m scared of the time between when I go to bed and fall asleep cause when I’m not distracted I overthink everything and my mind goes to dark. Then when I do go to bed I can’t fall asleep from staring at a fuckin screen. I’m always tired and missed so much school cause of this. I’m late everyday. On weekends I’m still in bed past noon.

School is so hard cause I’m always tired and on top of that I’m too lazy to study or even do homework. I’m scared I’m gonna fail school and not get into college or even move out. At the same time I’m scared of goin’ out into the real world and leaving school. I’m not ready.

I did it all to myself. I let it happen and I don’t know what to do about it. Sometimes I wish I’d never been born. Sometimes I wish I was dead. It’s never gotten so bad that I felt I might try to do it but I’m scared it might actually get to that point if I don’t get help.

I feel angry and sad and tired and I need help but I’m too scared to ask for it


#2

Hi Ash,

First of all, it’s not dumb to feel how you do. I struggled with these things both when I was younger and even as an adult. I still do. I struggle with anxiety and agoraphobia which makes going outside and being social very hard. So I spend a lot of time hiding in my living space. So I understand.

I know reaching out for help can be scary and hard. Especially since you have to not only leave the comfort of your own room and space, but also get to know a stranger. It’s true that it takes time finding the right therapist but it’s SO worth it. It’s a safe place for you to be raw and open about how you are feeling when there isn’t always anywhere else to put it. And it’s a place where you can find a gentle guidance and help to get through whatever it is you are going through. I hope that you will reach out my friend. Because you are so important . How you feel matters and is valid.

I care for you my friend and I want to see you feeling better. You don’t have to go at this alone.

I’m sending you so much love.

  • Kitty

#3

Hey Ash,

This hit me in such a specific place in my heart. I hope you know that.

Youre not alone at all - this was me not just a few months ago.

Here is what we all had to say. Hold fast my friend.


#4

Friend you are not alone. I am so sorry you are struggling. I want to make a suggestion of looking into apps that are like habitica that will allow you too set goals and than battle things when you beat goals. It turns doing things into video games. I know this is not much advice but I am here for you.

Disabledmetalfan


#5

I know this feeling far too well. Before I got my job, I spent about 20 hours on the computer playing games, 4 hours sleeping, and it was like that everyday. I never really went out with people and didn’t want to ask… I felt like no one cared. It was pointless. Even with my job I didn’t do anything other than work and sleep. Is there someone that you talk to everyday that you care for? It can be an online friend from gaming even… because, for me, I had to start by making a promise to the people i care about that I would do things that are good for myself. One thing at a time - and they could keep me accountable and encourage me… Build it up… Doing this for someone else isn’t going to work forever - however, sometimes, it’s the first stepping stone and by doing these things because you have to in order to keep a promise, your body will start to get used to doing them, and your confidence in that will grow. You’ll then start to find that little bit of hope. Even if its only for a few minutes at the start. It WILL build. I went from using drugs every day in order to keep myself from committing suicide and gaming 20 hours a day, to being 9 months clean, going to therapy and joining a group now that meets once a week. The first step I took? Promising Casey I would write that first wall post and promising Danjo I would TRY to attend that first NA meeting.

You can do this too.

Hold Fast
Kayla


#6

As someone who is an introvert who works at home, i would like you to challenge yourself to do one thing sometime soon (btw, i am not put together well myself and have a really hard time leaving the house) but try and leave the house and go for a walk, maybe with headphones for music, and walk for 30 mins a day Consistently for a week, and i bet it will help you calm that over thinking mind, which i also share. I sincerely wish you the best Ash <3


#7

Hey @ash_luhrs Hold Fast.