I feel like I am a burden

I feel like a birden to my family and friends and every person that I meet. I feel unimportant and unwanted, my life has always been messed up emeotionally. I don’t want to feel anything I don’t want my thoughts to consume me. I try my best at improving myself but the people around me say that I don‘t try hard enough.

I love my family but it’s the toxic enviornment that when I am with them my depression blooms again; my feelings are never valid, i exagerate and they say that I only want attention.

They don’t understand my emotions and I think my past consumes me; i was the happiest when I was 6 months in Italy, I felt free and happy. I was who I wanted to be.

I just can’t take my pain anymore; I have suicidal thoughts but I can’t share this with anyone. I always think of ways to end this, I just don’t want to live in constant pain and headache. I just feel tired to stay alive

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Hey @emmanl_11,

Welcome here. :hrtlegolove:

I feel like a birden to my family and friends and every person that I meet. I feel unimportant and unwanted, my life has always been messed up emeotionally. I don’t want to feel anything I don’t want my thoughts to consume me. I try my best at improving myself but the people around me say that I don‘t try hard enough.

Well, here is a reminder to you: you are not a burden, never. And you are loved right here and right now. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so down. Sorry you’ve been misunderstood by your beloved ones. There is no doubt you are trying hard, and this post just shows how strong and brave you are. Thank you for being here. Thank you for existing.

I love my family but it’s the toxic enviornment that when I am with them my depression blooms again; my feelings are never valid, i exagerate and they say that I only want attention.

Your feelings are valid. Entirely. Always. And no one has to judge that.
I understand how it feels to be diminished and drained constantly because you’re living in a toxic environment. But know that here no one will ever judge you. You have the right to feel how you feel. And you’re absolutely not an attention seeker.

They don’t understand my emotions and I think my past consumes me; i was the happiest when I was 6 months in Italy, I felt free and happy. I was who I wanted to be.

I’m sorry they don’t understand what you are going through. We naturally expect our family to be understanding and supportive, but it’s not always the case. Though, it doesn’t mean that 1) they’d be right in what they say to you 2) that you have to give them enough credit to affect you. Even if you can’t control what they say, you have still control on how much space you give to their words in your heart. It takes time and practice to learn to protect yourself, at least mentally, but it’s something you can do, always. You still have a choice here and you don’t have to suffer it all the time. :hrtlegolove:

Also, communication can be a real struggle for everyone. And sometimes there’s a lot of misunderstanding about a situation. Just because it’s hard to express how we feel. And also because it’s hard for others to imagine how it feels to be in our shoes. Especially when it’s about mental health and inner struggles. Do you thinkthat trying again to talk to them, in a collected and respectful way, could be possible? I don’t know the circumstances of your previous discussions, so I’m just asking. Because there are a lot of different ways to express and share how you feel, to make it understandable. Yesterday, during the HeartSupport stream on Twitch, the subject of communication in family has been discussed. I’ll leave here the video of it, so maybe you can get interesting insights for yourself too: Twitch

You also mentioned your past consuming you. I don’t know what happened to you nor if you ever had the opportunity to share about it, but know that the Support Wall is a safe place and you can always share about your story and how you feel, without being judged. It’s not an obligation, but know this is a possibility. Feel always free to let things out of your chest, especially if you feel that it’s consuming you.

I just can’t take my pain anymore; I have suicidal thoughts but I can’t share this with anyone. I always think of ways to end this, I just don’t want to live in constant pain and headache. I just feel tired to stay alive

I’m glad you shared this. And for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for doing so. It’ not easy to talk about that. There can be a lot of fears, shame, guilt around that. Just know that it’s okay. And, now that you have shared and acknowledged this, it’s important to make sure that you stay safe. Sometimes our mind can starts to spiral and it gets hard to think clearly, so I’ll leave here some crisis lines informations. Keep it with you, and don’t hesitate to use those in case you need it okay? It’s totally safe and anonymous.

Sending tons of love your way. You’ll be okay. :hrtlegolove:

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Hi!
First, Welcome to this community and thanks for sharing what is making your suffer.

I have to tell you that you arent alone with this thoughts, I know that in this community there will be so many people that will understand what you are going through.

Is so really so painful to think like that and I know that you may have been hurting yourself Inside you. I think that you need to talk to your friends and family for the thougth you are having and for what are you feeling.

Remember you are worth of living and loving, I am glad that you are here with us and I hope that you get well.

Take care :heart:

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