I feel like I am losing my mind

HeartSupport Support
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It happens every week. Sometimes everyday. At the moment I just wish I could kill myself. I want to be done with everything.

Every time I have something shitty happen to me I post it on the internet because I don’t feel comfortable doing anything else. I’m sure my parents are annoyed and frustrated with me. I’m sure everyone is. I’m sure it gets really old hearing the same things over and over.

I have an idea of who I want to be, but I always hold myself back, I am always too scared.

I think about suicide often when I am having a hard time. I just want to hurt myself.

I am so tired of trying. But I say that every month. Things get better, then something happens and I lose my mind. It’s just a circle I continue to go around.

At work my boss is telling me to be more positive, I’m sure my coworkers hate the negativity too. A week ago I cried everyday at work. Sometimes I just wonder what I can do to get myself to die.

I still hurt myself even though I try not to. Sometimes it’s all I can do to feel something. I’ve kept my feelings a secret from family for so long and since I’ve moved far from home I have been putting a lot of it on Facebook and I just feel like I’m disappointing everyone and annoying them.

I know there are things I need to do, I am trying. I give up too easily. I suck at routines. I am fighting a battle everyday; I don’t know how some people are so kind in this world. I was, and I try to get back there, but everyone is going through something. The people who get mad at me or annoyed with me, they’re going through something, but I cannot take trying to have the mindset anymore when the people I interact with (mainly general public at work) don’t seem to give a damn.

I am always too scared to branch out. Then things happen that scare me even more and make me not want to step out even more.

Thanks for reading.

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Posting here is a very good idea. We don’t get tired of hearing the same things over and over. We understand that expressing those feelings provides some relief. There are people here who are working with similar issues, and by expressing yourself, you’re helping them to feel less alone.

You already are who you want to be. Not only that, but the good that you see in other people is also a part of you. I understand being scared. Perhaps you sense that those around you may not be worthy of your authenticity. If you see the relationships around you as being superficial, it’s probably best for you to communicate at that level.

It does sound like a circle, or a cycle. It’s rare that people don’t have emotional ups and downs, and periods of time when they are more easily triggered by what they perceive as negative circumstances.

I think this is a much safer place than Facebook. No one here will be disappointed. No one here will judge you. However, I have noticed that you tend to judge yourself harshly. Doing that isn’t helpful. Instead, it undermines confidence. An extension of the golden rule is to treat yourself as you would treat others.

All routines, or just those that are difficult to face? It’s best to face the difficult routines as soon as possible. Then the more pleasant activities can be enjoyed fully, and without guilt or regret.

Fighting a battle everyday? An awful lot of people do that. The problem is, words like fighting, and battle, convinces the subconscious that the issues you are dealing with have great power, and on the verge of overwhelming you. It’s better to “turn away from” behaviors that are no longer welcome in your life. When it comes to routines that you need to do, but want to avoid, “turn away from” distractions that invite you to procrastinate.

Based on what you’re saying here, you must still be trying to branch out, otherwise, you wouldn’t be in the position for “other things to happen.” That sounds to me like you are still calling forth courage, which is even more admirable when knowing that scary things can happen.

Keep in mind, when you step out, you decide how much risk you take, and if you sense something potentially negative, by all means, get away from that situation. Branching out is a trial and error kind of thing. Ask yourself if the reward is worth the risk. Also ask yourself if you’re prepared to deal with the worst case scenario.

As you suggested, they really are going through things, and are preoccupied with their own issues. Maybe if they weren’t dealing with their own problems, they might give a damn about you. They might give a damn about you if they knew how you’re feeling. When serving the public, giving a damn is usually a one-way thing, toward the customer. People in the service industry have an awesome opportunity to grow in empathy and emotional intelligence.

Rather than feel as though you’re losing your mind, schedule some time when you can let your mind relax. Some people meditate. Others go for a walk, listen to calming music, or do something else that helps them let go of the day’s issues.

Let us know how you’re doing. You can be your wonderful self here. Wings

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Hi Friend,
thank you for reaching out to us, and be sure we will be here anytime you vent or feel the need to
let it all out. This is a safe place for this, we don’t judge and it does not matter where or who you are.
It helps you and we are here to help.
we all have our own struggles, we all fight our battles every day, me too.
i struggle at work much lately also with my family and it is hard. find yourself something where you find
joy and happiness in it. breathing techniques, meditation, puzzling or going for a walk.
it calms your mind down.
routines are helping me a lot to come trough the day. building them up takes energy but it is worth it.
to see that some things go good for now, makes me feel more comfortable and i know that tomorrow
they will too. it overwhelms me when not. when something is not in place or stuff like that.
don’t be to hard on yourself, you will do good. please stay in touch here, anytime you want.
Fell hugged and have a nice day, stay strong you are worth it and you matter.
Greetings

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Post and post again if you need to, that’s what heart support is here for.

Someone just telling you to be more positive doesn’t really help. There’s obviously a lot going on for you and your mental health is taking a bit of a beating right now. Some people think that all you have to do is think positive or put a smile on your face and you’ll feel better.
We both know that’s not always true. What we are feeling and fearing needs an outlet and we can’t suppress it and expect it to just float away on a happy haze.

I hope that these thoughts of wanting to harm yourself are in fact just thoughts right now and you’re being safe. I also hope that you would consider talking to someone about that. It’s scary as hell, but honestly, I wish I had done that sooner rather than waiting until I was facing the edge.

You’re having a big battle at the moment, and the fact that you are finding it hard to keep routines or branch out is normal when you’re dealing with this. It’s a lot to hold in by yourself.
You deserve to be heard.

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From: Microsmos

Hey Lyss. It’s good to see you, friend. Thank you for using this safe space when you need it, for using your voice even when it’s hard and scary to do so. I’m so sorry that you have been in so much pain lately, and even more that there seems to be almost no one in your direct surroundings that actually listen to you and understands. It just infuriates me to see that people told you to “be positive” – what an empty, careless statement. You bet that anyone would be positive all the time if they could. We have permission to be humans too… and that includes saying when we’re going through a rough time. It’s okay if you struggle to be grateful for life, to smile, to bring joy around you for now. You don’t have to, especially when your heart is not at it.

How does your support system looks like in the present? Besides coworkers and your boss, besides your parents too, do you have people in your life right now whom you can rely on? No matter what the response is, you know you have us here, always. You’re not alone. <3

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From: ManekiNeko

hey lyss it’s great to see you here! I’m so very sorry for what you’re going through right now. It’s a cruel cycle and sometimes people outside aren’t able to grasp mental health struggles. Last time I was in this moment, someone said to me “I honestly don’t understand it. I’ve never been there, but I want to support you”. Those words hit me so hard, there are people who really don’t understand it, and I suppose those people in the general public are so concerned about their day to day lives, their own struggles, they fail to see the human standing before them.

I know it’s hard when you’re in a bad place and people at work comment and take notice. They also probably have little understanding of the struggles that you’re facing right now. It sounds like you need to be surrounded by people who can support and uplift you rather than facing the void and yelling into it. I do hope this community can provide some form of that for you. If you need to keep repeating what is causing you hurt, then we are here for you.
This is a safe place for you. I do want to encourage you to make sure that if those voices are starting yo get a bit too dangerously loud to reach out for professional help. You matter x

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Thank you all for the support; I have been doing better. Working on bettering my mental and physical health. I have my first therapy appointment this month.

Once again, thank you all :purple_heart:

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You’re wonderful, @Lyss. These are beautiful news, really. We’re all so very proud of you. If you would like to let us know how it goes with this new therapist and the next chapters of your own journey, we’d love to listen and be there for you. No pressure of course, only if you would like to. You are so very loved. :hrtlegolove:

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