I feel like i don’t deserve happiness

a couple days ago i had made a writing account to write as a character and interact with others doing so. i had random thoughts about cheating, like i always do, but for some reason this one set me into a bad panic. i had dismissed them before because it happens with even posting pictures of myself and being like “yes i want people to view me like this” or just wanting people to have crushes on me but i don’t actually want to date them. i had those thoughts like that about posting as my character and having people interact. then, i had seen some characters interact in an nsfw way and my brain went “i want them to talk to me like that, wait no i have a boyfriend” then all of a sudden my brain went into a panic and has now decided that i have cheated on my boyfriend. i’m now questioning my motivation for creating the account, thinking maybe it was my way of cheating without actually cheating. i don’t remember thinking that i actually do want to cheat, but my brain is coming up with memories that i don’t remember having and is confusing intrusive thoughts with my actual motivation. sometimes i’m like “yeah i’m not cheating, that’s dumb” but i feel like i cheated and i feel like i don’t deserve my partner. i have had so many intrusive thoughts about cheating because i’m so scared of ever hurting someone the way others have hurt me with that scenario. i talked to my boyfriend and he said “well what were your intentions?” and i said not to cheat because even when i thought people were flirting i got uncomfortable but i’m questioning whether i actually thought those things or not. i don’t know if my thoughts or feelings are real or if they happened or if it’s not intertwined. i’m so confused. i don’t want to be a bad person. and for some reason i have an irrational fear of accidentally cheating on someone without knowing and i feel like that’s what i did but i also don’t feel like i did that?

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I think that it’s wise to be careful. Making an account, a character or not that is not you to talk to other people is still considering cat fishing. If it’s a writing community and is intended for that purpose, or a forum for role playing, that makes sense! But if you are using those accounts in a community like this one or on media, then that is deceiving. So just be really careful where you are pretending to be someone else. That can be really hurtful.

As far as cheating, I think that as long as you are open with your boyfriend, how you guys decided where your boundaries are, is up to you two and you two alone. Nobody else can tell you that is cheating or is wrong if you and your boyfriend come to an agreement. So just keep talking to him and be open and honest about your intentions. Then you’re good <3

I don’t think you can “accidentally” cheat. If you are looking to do something to get emotionally involved and for any other purpose other than writing, then maybe you need to reconsider. Sounds like maybe this character thing could be really iffy. Depending on where you are using it. LIke I said, if its being done on a forum or site that is intended for role playing, it makes sense. Then it would be clear that it is all pretend. But if you’re doing it on social media in a place where you are keeping something from people, and stirring up intimate convos, then thats a whole different story.

So it really depends on what your approach is. Be careful friend <3

  • Kitty

no it’s not catfishing, it’s a community only for writers and i’m not using it for emotional stuff for me personally, just writing. i guess sometimes my mind plays tricks on me and tries to say that i’m not doing that if that makes sense? my boyfriend actually does the same thing with writing and got me into it, so he understands it. i guess it’s just my mind being dramatic.

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That makes sense! :slight_smile:

Its easy to let our minds get the best of us. But for the record YOU DO deserve happiness. <3 And as long as your boyfriend is okay with it, then you are just fine. <3

I don’t see it as being dramatic. They are valid feelings. Just know that your title isn’t true <3

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