I feel like I don't belong in this world!

Hey everyone, I wanted to take some time to share some pretty painful struggles I have been going through for many years but have been increasingly worse the last few days and months. Like many of us here, I have been dealing with severe depression, anxiety, OCD, and awful chronic headaches. I also have very bad social anxiety which makes trying to go enjoy activities with others so challenging.

I have been in such a dark place the last few days feeling like I don’t belong in this world. I feel like I never fit in anywhere. I can barely maintain friendships, let alone finding any close friends who I can get along with. No matter where I have been in life, I never feel like I have a true place. Often, I find myself thinking about suicide, not because I necessarily want to die, but because I feel so lost, alone, and in so much pain.

There is just this heavy cloud of suffering and darkness around me. Since high school I have felt this way. I just truly feel like I don’t belong here. I am now 32 years old and I am still struggling every day with this. I went to my regular church on Sunday and even though there is a wonderful community there, I felt so uncomfortable and lonely. It was so painful and the rest of the day was not much better.

I just need some help and some advice. I am doing my very best to pray and trust in God and have hope but it’s just so painful most days. Can anyone else relate to feeling like they don’t belong? I’m just not sure how to find any joy right now. Thank you everyone for being so amazing here at Heart Support. I am so glad I started being a part of the community. It’s truly a blessing to know I can turn to all of you. I hope everyone is doing okay today!

Hey friend!

I want to first point out that, you already contradict yourself right here;

This is a direct answer to this question right here;

And a direct contradiction to this;

I’m not pulling this out to make you feel bad or to make you feel stupid - I’m doing it to make you realise that you have literally answered your own questions.

Do you read scripture? I find that, if I can’t get in contact with one of my “safe people” that opening up some reading plans in a Bible app can really bring some peace, at least until I can express what I’m feeling with one of those people. Maybe it could be good for you too? It could help you to build your relationship with God as well.

Another thing - have you heard about Dwarf Planet? It’s a workbook on depression that HeartSupport have published. It helps you to understand and work through those exact feelings you’re going through right now. You can find it on Amazon, or if money is an issue, you can get it 100% free on the website! Feel free to let me know if you think that is something you’re interested in and I will get you hooked up with the links :slight_smile:

Hold Fast

Thanks for the response Kayla. I appreciate it. I actually do use a couple of Bible apps which are very helpful. I read some daily Bible plans on various topics. A couple of the ones I read were actually from Heart Support ironically. They do help quite a bit. I am also quite engaged at my church which has been very good. I strive to have a relationship with Jesus but some days it’s hard to feel His presence, especially on the very painful days. I have many things to be grateful for to be sure but everyday has been such a struggle lately to just make it through the day.

I have heard of the Dwarf Planet workbook. I will look more into it. I am currently on medication and I was seeing a counselor which helped. Again, I am usually one to look at the positive and to remain grateful but I keep feeling like I am drowning in this world. I don’t get why I can’t maintain close friendships. There always just feels like this dark cloud that doesn’t go away. Most days I feel like I am just wearing a mask to try and show the world I am doing just fine when in reality I am truly suffering inside.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. There is such a great community here! Take care!

@Kayla I just ordered Dwarf Planet! I have been thinking about it for a while now when I first heard about it but you helped me to realize I should just give it a try. I should get it this week! Hopefully it helps me walk through this darkness of depression.