Hey everyone, I wanted to take some time to share some pretty painful struggles I have been going through for many years but have been increasingly worse the last few days and months. Like many of us here, I have been dealing with severe depression, anxiety, OCD, and awful chronic headaches. I also have very bad social anxiety which makes trying to go enjoy activities with others so challenging.
I have been in such a dark place the last few days feeling like I don’t belong in this world. I feel like I never fit in anywhere. I can barely maintain friendships, let alone finding any close friends who I can get along with. No matter where I have been in life, I never feel like I have a true place. Often, I find myself thinking about suicide, not because I necessarily want to die, but because I feel so lost, alone, and in so much pain.
There is just this heavy cloud of suffering and darkness around me. Since high school I have felt this way. I just truly feel like I don’t belong here. I am now 32 years old and I am still struggling every day with this. I went to my regular church on Sunday and even though there is a wonderful community there, I felt so uncomfortable and lonely. It was so painful and the rest of the day was not much better.
I just need some help and some advice. I am doing my very best to pray and trust in God and have hope but it’s just so painful most days. Can anyone else relate to feeling like they don’t belong? I’m just not sure how to find any joy right now. Thank you everyone for being so amazing here at Heart Support. I am so glad I started being a part of the community. It’s truly a blessing to know I can turn to all of you. I hope everyone is doing okay today!