I don’t know if this is such a mental health issue, but I feel like in my family, but my feelings often get disregarded which causes issues later on. What I mean is that I would express something that is bothering people and they would tend to think I’m dramatic. For example whenever I got sick or had horrible allergies, whenever I wanted to stay home from sickness or take medication from my allergies they always doubt whether it’s an actual concern and think I should deal with it. Once l even had an injury that made it impossible for me to walk (as walking would create further injury) but before realizing it was a fracture my family got annoyed and asked it I really couldn’t walk. Sometimes the problem between them and me where I would express something frustrating or something that hurt my feelings and ask them to stop. Like pressuring me into going to have a certain career, talking behind my back occasionally, being so quick to yell at me, taking my things and so on. Now I would admit that I have an unhealthy habit of shoving my feelings down until they all split out like a mess, but when I started trying to have a one to one conversation about how I feel about the things they do or say they’d either say something along the lines of “I’m sorry you feel that way but I’m not trying to do that” or apologize but keep doing it even when I keep telling them to not do it. In general it feels like they always want to diminish the issues I have acting like it’s not that big of a deal or doubting my struggles. This makes me feel like it’s pointless to talk to them about how I feel because I know they won’t listen and fully take it seriously. But I don’t want to keep holding in my emotions in. If it gets to the point of toxicity, I also can’t cut them off because I’m also a teenager (13-19). For anyone who has deal with a situation like this (or literally anyone who can offer advice) what should I do?
Welcome to heart support, thanks for sharing this. It’s hard to feel like your health and your concerns are being brushed off.
It sounds like you’ve tried to express those feelings to them and they tend to make you feel like the situation is minimised. I don’t doubt that you feel hurt when that happens and that it would be hard to keep trying to voice your feelings.
Sometimes having a moment to bring up these discussions outside of the event taking place can be helpful to show the seriousness of how you’re feeling. Or even if you have an uncle or aunt that would take a moment to listen to you and be a support trying to open up a discussion with your family.
I know it’s hard to always get along with people you live with and see all the time, but it is possible to have that balance to be listened to. I know it won’t mean that it won’t happen from time to time, but sometimes we have to actively practise being mindful of what hurts others or what frustrates them.
Hi there @Ihavenoooidea,
Welcome to HeartSupport, I’m glad that your sharing here. Your struggles are 100% valid, and it’s hard when those close to us are invalidating and failing to support us.
I’m glad you recognize that you have a tendency to bottle too, as then it may help you to try “more frequently” working with your emotions. For instance, journaling (or posting here on this Wall, as needed) may help you to sort out how you feel.
I also personally value independence (and am close in age to you) so I know how frustrating it can be when it feels like those around us are being controlled of our lives (e.g., pushing us toward a certain career), but it’s also good to remember that they are often doing this because they want us to do well and be happy in the long run, even if it feels icky in the short-term.
Please keep sharing if anything further is on your mind. I’m wishing you the best and feel for you,
<3 Tuna
Hi Friend,
Thank you so much for posting here at Heartsupport, welcome to the Communtiy. I am sorry that you feel like you are not being heard or taken seriously at home when you have a situation that is bothering you or when you feel unwell. It can be so frustrating to go to a loved one with an issue only to say what you need to say and walk away feeling like you have wasted your time and actually feel worse than before.
I would encourage you to try to approach your parents at a time when you are not in a state of anxiety or as you say ready to “spill out like a mess” when your parents are not busy and ask to talk to them, explain how it makes you feel when you are not taken seriously, the same way you have explained it to us, you explained it very well. Hopefully under those condtions you will be heard and an understanding can be reached with them. Of course you can also write here as often as you need to because we hear you and we always will. much Love Lisa. x
hi friend,
welcome to the heartsupport community. thank you for opening up about your family situation and how it all makes you feel. as humans, one of the top things we need the most is to be taken seriously when we need that support or understanding. the way your family approaches things like when you get sick or injuries provides a reaction that invalidates how you feel and the proper care you need. since you’ve requested advice, i would encourage you to say exactly what you need. so when a family member reacts to how you feel with, “i’m not trying to make you feel negatively,” tell them “please help me with ___ (things like scheduling a dr appointment), i need your support.” those direct requests will carry more weight than telling them in the moment how it makes you feel.
i’m cheering you on as you navigate this family dynamic of invalidating your feelings and injuries. you are your own advocate and families are designed to support one another for the most part. regardless, i hope you can take some time to care for yourself soon. you are valid, heard, and valued. never forget that! you got this!
love,
twix
Hi Ihavenoooidea,
Thanks for reaching out here and welcome to the community.
Not feeling supported by those around you is painful and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Having bad allergies myself, I can imagine how hard it must be to feel that your family don’t that them seriously.
I wonder if there may be a communication problem and that having a trusted adult (e.g .counsellor, extended family member) to help you explain how you feel to your family. Trying to explain frustration to the people you’re frustrated with can be very difficult for any one. Maybe ahving someone impartial who you could speak to, who could then talk to your family with you would help to get your message across more clearly.
More than anything, I want you to know that your struggles and pain are noticed. x