I feel like i shouldn't be in a relationship while I'm this mentally unstable. Can this actually work out?

So, I’m in a relationship, I’ve told you about it before and I’m thankful for everyone who responded.

There is one thing I haven’t said yet: it’s basically a long distance relationship. We are only able to visit each other about every 3 weeks.
He had been here the past 5 days and it was so good. But he had to go home again and I feel so broken. I get these doubts again. Does he actually love me? Does he see a future with me together? Am i his “practice girlfriend”?

I feel like me being mentally not really stable makes it even worse and sometimes I wonder if it was a good idea starting a relationship while I’m still working on myself so much.

Also we were watching Call Me By Your Name when he was here. And I told him that i don’t like the ending even if it’s a realistic one for the time and culture they were living in. He asked me what i expected, that they were going to marry and adopt children? And it was probably just a stupid comment of his to the movie but it also felt as if it reflected his opinion on adoption in general and since I won’t be able to bear children at all it was a pretty hurtful comment. I didn’t tell him cause at the time he said it I wasn’t sure why it was bothering me.
There was also another comment he made a day or so later. Something along the line that my grandson or granddaughter is visiting. It was in response to a joke he said before. I guess he doesn’t understand how it hurts me cause I don’t feel like I’m going to be a grandma in the future.

I don’t know why i can’t just enjoy what i have but sometimes it seems as if he doesn’t see a future with me in it and that I’m only there until he finds someone better.

I wish someone could tell me that i worry too much and that everything is going to be great.
I know it doesn’t work like that but I wish that he or someone could tell me that we are going to stay together forever.

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I’m going to talk to you about my past relationship once. See while I was in the relationship I never quite realised how toxic it was for me. The constant questions of does he even love me, does he see a future. After the breakup I realised that I was never in a place to be in a relationship. I took a few months to notice that what I needed was to be secure. See there might be guys that can reassure you and make you feel better about it but honestly wouldn’t it be better if you do that for you, yourself. You shouldn’t be dependent on a guy to do that. So yes I would say mental stability is very important. Secondly since not being able to bear children is a very sensitive topic. Any guy that you date should understand that. Try talking to him about it since communication are very important. If he doesn’t understand. Please take a break, be there for yourself and then bounce back stronger. All love and strength to you. May you do right by yourself :smile:

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I wish someone could tell you that everything was going to be great, and they knew this because they could accurately predict the future. Sadly, that’s not possible.

I think the three-week absences are interfering with your ability to have the deep and necessary discussions about your future together, or if there is a reasonable expectation that such a future exists.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying what you have in the moment, but it’s important that you nurture personal strength, so you can be prepared for what may come next.

I think the most successful relationships between two people occur when both of them are okay with being alone. If two individuals are confident in their ability to be independent, they can know that they are together because they want to be, rather than simply feel as though they have to be in a relationship in order to survive. The latter “clingy” kind of relationship isn’t really healthy, and usually manifests resentment and power struggles within it.

It’s best to be honest with him, as otherwise, tension in the relationship is inevitable.

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