I feel like if I just dissapeared no one would care

To elaborate I do not feel suicidal, I just want to not exist. I feel so paranoid, that nobody would have my back, that I would forever be alone. I don’t want to conform to society, I just want to live by myself in a cabin in the woods. I don’t want to have to worry about others feelings so much, or worry about money problems, worry about others so much. My mind feels so disconnected from reality or broken, I’m not sure which one anymore. I feel like my life is slowly falling apart, but I am maintaining my grades in college, and I have some friends that I hang out with, but I don’t believe that they would help me if I fell.

Since I don’t feel like killing myself, I guess I am ok?


Hi there Xan,

For what its worth, I wouldn’t mind living out in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. In fact, in 2020 I contemplated buying some remote land off the grid in Alaska. I didn’t do it ultimately because my husband and I were discussing having a child. But yea. You are not alone there.

I’m sorry you don’t feel like anyone has your back. It can certainly be hard to find good people. I imagine the best you can do is be cautiously optimistic about your relationships. Just because you feel like they wouldn’t be there for you during hard times doesn’t mean it’s true. They just might surprise you. Unfortunately, you never know who really will be there in those down times until you are actually in one of those down times. Until then, hang in there. Hopefully you won’t be put in a position where life is that hard. If you don’t, well, you’re worrying for no reason. And if you do, you learn if those people will be there for you.

If you’re anything like me, it’s easy to not trust people, but don’t immediately discount your friend group.

I’m glad you took the time to post. I hope you are able to find some peace of mind.


From: Who.is

welcome to HS! I’m glad that you’re not feeling suicidal, but just because you’re not doesn’t mean that you have to be okay. There’s a lot of things that weigh on people that make them just want to disconnect and forget all their struggles. It’s all valid. Do you think if you spoke to your friends they would shut you down or not respond? I always had trouble reaching out for help or voicing my feelings, and I always thought that it wouldn’t matter. It does matter, you do matter. You matter to us! If people don’t know how much we are struggling it may feel like they don’t care, but really they just don’t know until we reach out.

1 Like

Hi TrueXan,
Welcome to Heart Support, and thank you for sharing.
you did an important step here, reaching out to us. spoken out what lies on your mind. that is huge, be proud of
that first step. most of the people can relate a lot with your cabin, i would join you too, we can be neighbors with
at least a mile between. you care for others, you care for your friends.
be sure about one thing, that you will be surprised how many people, how many of your friends, will help you
up when you fall. you don’t believe it ? i was believing that also, and i was surprised.
don’t be hesitant when it comes to reaching out, don’t let it become a habit. give it a try.
friends, family, people you trust and you love. you will get that back. when no one can see your struggle, no one
can help you. no one can look inside your mind, and around the corner. it is hard to be brave and speak out,
but i am sure that you can do it. sometimes we build walls for ourselves to protect us from the world , and these
walls can cause a disconnect. don’t let them become to high.
there is more out there, more then feeling disconnected or even isolated. you are worth of so many, so much and
also all the good things in this world. you are loved and you matter most my friend :purple_heart:
feel hugged new neighbor

1 Like

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Welcome to Heart Support. Firstly thank you so much for reaching out, its never an easy thing to do and just because you are not wanting to kill yourself does not mean your problems are not valid and impotant. if you are worried or upset about something and you want to share that then we are hear to listen. I think many can relate to you “cabin in the woods” ideas, that always sounds like the go to peaceful place where the troubles of normal life dont follow you, doesnt it. I wouldnt certainly encourage you to open up to a friend or family memeber about how you are feeling, I like you would be so surprised who had your back and how loved you are, depression is a lonely place, until it isnt. You also now have friends and support here, please use it. You are valid, strong. loved and supported. Much Love Lisa x

From: Dr Hogarth

Hi TrueXan,

First of all, welcome to the community and thank you for sharing where your head’s at with us.

It sounds to me like you feel very overwhelmed by life atm; with your studies, with social pressures and the day-to-day stuff too. Being overwhelmed for an extended period is exhausting, trying to hold on to all the different strands of life, and then you just hit burnout. Burnout can give you that sense of dissociation from life; I guess it’s our brains’ way of trying to protect us from stress.

Being at college, with all the different demands on your time, is a time so many people hit a wall. It’s okay to ask for help with managing your workload or asking for help structuring your day-to-day. This might be something that your college can help you with.

Being overwhelmed by life is common, especially at your stage of life, but you can get help to break it down and make it more manageable. Realising that something needs to change is a massive first step, and I hope that reaching out here can be the start of change for you.

Stay strong x