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I feel like I'm a selfish and hateful person

This is just a self observation, but I think I’m judgemental to anyone I see. This comes from the fact that was bullied during my middle and high school. Now, I judge anyone I see, doubly so for any black person, cause only black people bullied me for my so called “white” personality.

I also believe that I’m hateful as well, getting angry at anyone who doesn’t respond to me. A good example is me telling an fan artist about a idea I had about some artwork he could do. Not only did he not respond to me, but he “stole” my idea. Doesn’t matter if he was too busy to read my comment or what have you, I now consider him a greedy fuck who will only draw what you asked him for Ridiculous prices, never mind he has to eat too.

I know this is wrong to think like this, but its ingrained into me, I don’t know why.

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When I read some of your post I was taken aback. Calling the guy a “greedy fuck” and judging people by the color of their skin strike me as deviant behaviors. It sounds like this anger you have is actually coming out of a place of hurt not a place of hate. I just want to let you know that there’s a better way through this. If you can focus on how you feel hurt by how you’ve been treated and less on how you dislike others, I think you’ll be received much better, and I think you’ll be able to begin healing some of this pain inside. I’m sorry you were bullied and treated so inconsiderately by this guy who stole your artwork.

What do you want help with?

Well, he didn’t steal my artwork, he just stole my idea, which depending on who you are, doesn’t make it mine. Also, I guess my place of hurt was from the bullying when I was in middle and high school. Thing is, it made me realize that black people hate white people and any black person who aspires to be white. So, if black people are going to judge me, why shouldn’t I to them?

My apologies for the delay. I’ve been dealing with some intense relationship issues and they’re just about subsided now!

Sorry I misspoke, yes this person stole your idea, but with art, I think the idea is pretty much the thing unless it’s an original painting or something like that. It’s messed up that he did that to you :frowning_face:

If you want to share more along the lines of what you just said about black people, it’s my opinion that you shouldn’t share it any more here in this community. This is a place of support. If you are hurting, if someone (black or otherwise) hurt you, lets talk about it. I want to help you through this pain you’re in. But I’m going to ask you to please not speak with dislike toward an entire group of people here. Saying “black people hate white people” is a generalization that is unacceptable here.

Some people I grew up with are very racist. They defend and rationalize that their fears and opinions of the differences of races are justified and worth discussion and promotion. The problem is that this kind of talk is extremely hurtful. Whether it’s race, gender, religion, it just makes people hurt, angry, and perpetuates atrocious behavior. I live in the south now, and I’ve met many black people who are successful, intelligent, caring, nurturing, lovable people. It turns out that there are assholes and beautiful people in every race, gender, geography, etc.

So if you can keep your discussion focused on specific people and actions that have hurt you, I’d love to discuss your pain and support you. Otherwise if you insist on talking in generalities, I’m not going to participate.

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