Im not sure where to start. Im stuck in an apartment with an abusive person. I have no money to leave, no family connections, no friends in rl that I can turn to. I suffer from bpd which makes having lasting connections hard.
I put everything into writing stories/role playing with others has a distraction but I feel isolated. I met someone online who in a few months became my best friend and then we both fell in love. I’ll call him R. He is polly though and i’m not but try as I might I couldn’t stop my feelings. Unfortunately due to misunderstandings i ended up freaking out when I saw him sexting someone I didn’t know about. I vented to a couple friends in the community but this made things worse as he no longer felt welcomed even though the three I vented to never talked to anyone else. Something I can understand, since you can never be sure people aren’t talking about you.
Despite that we reconnected and took things romantically. But then he needed space and it became hard to communicate for two weeks. During that time I’ve been suffering with my roommate and reached out to other rp communities to distract myself. Which R saw as me being untrustworthy because I made a storyline so I could ship a character after he said he didn’t want me doing so on my main character. During this conversation when I said I’d drop it all because it’s not important and I only rpd out of boredom he compared the situation to me finding his sexts. By the end of the conversation R tells me he also loves the girl he was sexting romantically.
Im upset, because I know I don’t get a say in it. She’s going to be apart of it whether I want her to be or not. I feel betrayed, unjustly told I was untrustworthy and like I put so much feeling into someone who didn’t value or love me in the way i did for them. I have nothing else to distract myself with, cause the one thing I thought was good isn’t.