A lot has happened within the last few weeks. A few weeks ago things in my life felt pretty normal to me. I was pregnant and things were going well with my fiance. We were so ready for our baby to get here. Then he came and it was a magical experience giving birth to him. A couple of days after giving birth, I was discharged from the hospital and went home only to have to come back a couple hours later because I had a fever and felt really bad. Turned out I had endometritis (not the same things as endometriosis) as well as a major deficiency in magnesium and potassium. Going back to the hospital was a disaster, my baby wasn’t allowed in at first and that was the start of it. He was going on 6 hours of not eating and he had to eat. Eventually they got formula to him because I was so sick and in so much pain, I couldn’t move. Then they eventually got me a pump as well. But so much went on while I was in the ER. They did loads of tests some of which hurt immensely. The nurses also ignored me at one point when I said I had to go to the bathroom but I couldn’t move. They said they’d get back to me within 5 minutes and I ended up waiting 30 and couldn’t hold it anymore and ended peeing all over myself. They also kept messing up my ivs as well one time almost getting air in the line. I was switched all around the hospital and it took a while before I was able to see my baby again. But when I could I wasn’t able to care for him because I couldn’t move. It was very rough and traumatic. Throughout all this my fiance wasn’t the most helpful. For the most part, my parents and even at one point my aunt had to come to the hospital to help take care of my son. My fiance didn’t really at all. Then when we got home I was taking care of my son all by myself and it got to the point where I thought I was crazy with the lack of sleep and not eating or drinking well. My parents had to once again step in and help. While they were there my fiance kept saying some nasty stuff and then my dad told him to stop and grow up. My fiance blew up at my parents and it resulted in my parents having to call the police and I took my son, some things and have been staying with my parents. It’s getting close to a week of staying with them and my fiance has been nothing but nasty and has been trying to manipulate me to get me back. I know I can’t stay in the abusive situation but I would like my son to still have a father in his life. I’m trying to figure out ways he could still see him but only with me or my family around. He said he doesn’t want to be around my family but I am not comfortable being around him without my family or at least someone I trust. With where we live, I have custody of our son since we aren’t married. It’s just been a world of hurt and I feel like my life has been flipped upside down. I’m not sure where to start with things and I feel like a mess.
What an awful experience! I’m sorry your fiancée has turned out to be too immature and irresponsible. At least now it’s clear that he’s not ready to be anyone’s life partner, and may never be. Your son doesn’t need an abusive father. Even if he doesn’t lay a hand on him, he’s hurting him by hurting you either emotionally or physically. Manipulation is emotional abuse. From the sound of things, a restraining order might be needed.
It has been. You need time to feel safe and adjust to a life that’s different than what you expected.
Now isn’t the time to do anything more than care for the baby and get some rest. You can decide on your next moves when you feel like you can handle it.
Take care, Wings
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hello Boots, welcome back to Heart Support. Wow you have been thru a lot and I’m so sorry that your partner has been abusive. Thank goodness you have supportive parents and that you got away from him. I think that’s great. As a mother, I would not want anyone abusive being around my child, even if it’s his father. You’ve done great so far, please keep us updated. ~Mystrose
From: susieqzz
Hey Boots
How awful that your fiance is like that. He honestly sounds like a not so great person to me, and I don’t think you need that in your life right now (or your baby’s life). I feel like you are doing the right thing by staying with your parents and not being around him. I’m glad you have custody of your baby, I think for now you keep him away and focus on the two of you.
I am so happy you at least have the support of your parents right now when you need it most. You are so strong for persevering through all of this, especially considering what you have been going through medically outside of the relationship. Keep going, do what is best for you and your baby, and we are here for you if you need to talk about it further <3
From: Who.is
I don’t have advice exactly about how to handle things with your ex, just that you hold worth and value and I hope that whatever you decide is something that makes you feel safe and comfortable and makes your child feel safe and comfortable. I’d love to say here’s the exact plan to follow and here’s how it’ll play out, we can never know sadly. You’ve done an amazing job so far. Your experience sounds so traumatic and hard and somehow you pulled yourself through it and have had your family behind you. Keep leaning into them for that support. You deserve the best
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hey Friend, Thank you so much for your post, Goodness you have been through such a lot havent you? firstly I want to congratulate you on the birth of your baby and then I would like to congratulate you on being an amazing mother, for caring for your precious boy, keeping him safe through it all. It sounds like you have had to manage so very much through your health problems and the dreadful behaviour of your fiance but the decisions you have made have protected both you and your child and that is what is important in your life now, you and your boy. please stay safe. keep doing what you are doing so well and dont let anyone hurt you. Your boy is going to grow up to be very proud of you. much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x
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