I am angry. I get angry a lot lately. There is a lot of tension and anger in me. Sometimes i just see red. I feel a lot of emotional pain. I am doing really bad. I feel like I will break if this keeps up. My therapist is on a holliday now. I feel like I am going crazy. I dont really what I want. If its advice or just someone to hear me. I probably just want someone to be there for me but I feel like I would just bring that person down. I dont feel safe anywhere. I dont feel safe anywhere, here, at home, in my head, alone, or with friends. No matter how much I sleep i dont get rest. It just doesnt go away. I am either constantly on the edge or depersonalized. I am either escaping and not present or present and angry. I have sudden releases of anger. I get hurt or annoyed very easily. I feel like people secretly hate me sometimes. I boubt everything. I just want to be me again and feel safe.
I am so sorry that it’s been so hard for you. Would physically going somewhere with a trusted person on a vacation have any effect on your mind? It sounds like you’re stuck right now ,and i do hope that you can find a way to feel and enjoy things again. Have you been in touch with your therapist? You’re much loved, and much appreciated here, friend.
I just want to let you know exactly where you are coming from and I want to let you know it is better to release now than later. At this time you say you are angry and not sure when you are going to break? I want you know you can release now safely into an activity or even just in talking. If you need someone to talk to, I keep an open inbox and a handful of jokes ready for anyone in need.
I recently had a breakdown and I controlled it within reason. I did not have my children in the same part of the house as me (nor my kittens). I turned on some loud music and told them to listen to their TV as loudly as they wanted to. I cried in my space, destroyed used and old items that would not cost me a dime. When I still could not calm down. I called EMTs/Paramedics on myself for everyone’s safety, and stayed in CSU until I was back on my meds for a few days.
I know it sounds hella dramatic and unnecessary, but it was what I controlled within reason while in a rage. I took the steps I needed. I hope you have much better steps (i.e reaching out, talking to the community here, exercise, etc.) than my own and I hope you find some relief or peace. Again, my inbox is open and Hold Fast.
I’m sorry you’ve been so angry lately and struggling so much. I don’t really have anything I can say to make you feel better but I want you to know that I care about you and I care that you feel this way. I wish I could help you feel better and help you feel safe.
Sometimes I feel like everyone hates me too. Sometimes I cannot accept that people enjoy spending time with me. I am always paranoid about ulterior motives or people lying just to be nice. I want you to know that at least as far as I’m concerned that is never the case. I don’t hate you in any way and I enjoy every time I get to talk to you. No lies, no deceit or ulterior motives, nothing but me genuinely enjoying your mind and your friendship. I know I’m just one person saying that but I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling that way. I hope you find a way to feel safe and cared for again.
I sometimes feel like this too, and I’m sure that everyone else does too. The truth is that there is always someone who doesn’t hate you and if you can’t find the person that is currently showing you that, you will definitely find one in the near future. Much love
