I feel like no one wants me. 🥺

I’m seventeen, I choose not to talk, I am a select mute, which basically means that I only talk where I am comfortable and anywhere else, I basically am mute. I specifically am not comfortable verbally talking online like on Discord or while gaming with voice channels, if there is an opportunity to type, I take it or just not join. In the last three weeks I have been banned from two different channels because I was trying to talk to them about how I felt when I was getting ignored and I just didn’t feel welcome. I just that I wanna talk because whenever I game, I just get ignored or mistreated, so if I talk, I won’t have to deal with it. But even with people knowing I’m gonna try working on talking, they’ve been banning me for not talking. I wanna talk, but I keep getting treated poorly by people who know I’m trying my hardest to talk. So I just feel like if people aren’t gonna see it through to the end with me, why even try. What’s wrong with me? :pleading_face:

6 Likes

I’m so sorry that you haven’t had the space to be heard and to have people really listen to you. I personally am not a part of the gaming community, but I have heard they can be ruthless at times. You needed people to hear and respect you, to provide patience and kindness and that was denied.
I can imagine the hurt you must feel being shut out of the communities you have been trying to seek solace in, and I can understand why it must feel like you’re being pushed aside and they don’t care for you.

There is nothing at all wrong with you. You’re allowed to seek safety and to feel comfortable. You deserve that time to try to learn how to be more confident or comfortable talking and bonding with others.

I don’t know if you’re a part of the discord server for HeartSupport, but perhaps it will be of comfort to you. There’s different groups to join in and one of the groups is dedicated to replying to people on the forum here. When I first started I was too nervous to join voice, but I started to feel more confident. I didn’t even reply on my first one, I just listened. Some people just reply through the chat, which is also okay!
There is no pressure of course to join, but maybe something similar in a community like-minded might help? Even if it’s just to type and say “I’m here and want to be heard”.

Wanting to feel safe and seen isn’t uncommon and it’s something everyone at some point wants for themselves. I do hope you find that

3 Likes

I’m glad you took the time to write out your thoughts here. It must have seemed the safest thing for you to do, to not talk, at some point in your life. And it sounds like some situations it’s still doesn’t feel safe for you to verbally express yourself, even though you’re trying.

Do you go to a counselor? Is that possible for you if it’s something you think would be good for you to do?

I see someone else just posted as well. Keep coming here as often as you like.

1 Like

Thanks for reaching out and expressing yourself here. I can relate with having bad experiences with the gaming community. I play a lot of FPS and communication is a big part of the experience but sometimes I like to just play and casually play. The gaming community has become extremely toxic and has now become a place where people get on their to troll people or do things to get a reaction out of them and yes, I have too been banned or kicked from a lobby after waiting for a while. Now, I enjoy playing games online because sometime I do meet someone or a group that is actually friendly and it does make the gaming experience better. What has worked for me is just ignoring the toxicity and trying to give positive vibes even if that means longer wait times. If you enjoy playing games like me, you shouldn’t let some of these people ruin your gaming experience. I know it is easy said than done but trust me gamers like me want you around and want to help you enjoy the game or give pointers out that can help you progress further in the game. Another thing I like to do is go on Twitch and watch someone play the game I want to play and then I check out their chat to see if anyone in there would like to play. You would be surprised how many people would reach out. Remember that there is nothing wrong with you. I was and still am to this day, a shy person. However, I am not a shy person when we start to talk about things that I am really into. Just like I am sure you are not that shy if people around you were talking about things you are interested in. I hope this kind of helps you and I hope to hear back from you with any updates. If I don’t hear from you, have a wonderful and safe 4th. Hang in there, I promise you it does get better with time.

2 Likes

Kelsey,

Facing the challenges you are against with communication and feeling misunderstood or socially looked down upon must be extremely draining and disheartening at times. But don’t give up. People that are worth revealing yourself to will come into your life. Unfortunately sometimes you get burned and mistreated along the way to finding those that are caring and trustworthy people that become reliable friends. Don’t give up and don’t feel that you have failed or have something worth rejecting.

I find that writing my thoughts in posts or in a notebook or writing app really helps. Find an outlet until you feel comfortable opening up more, whether that be out loud or sharing your written expressions with others. I have personally felt difficulties with being misunderstood and would avoid even talking with people I knew face to face. Not to say I have been in your shoes, but I can sympathize to a small degree.

Do you have any way you express yourself that helps you get your feelings out? Even if it is a private journal for your own benefit?

2 Likes

I don’t journal, never been good at it, I write poems, I call them my feeling poems, I’ve wrote fourteen I think so far

1 Like

From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Friend, I’m sorry you’re having problems with gaming channels. I game myself and have my own channel with a few friends. I know that some communities require you to have a headset and mic, so I’m wondering if that’s what the problem is. I’m sure they’ve had other people with the same problem and aren’t going to change the rules, so they just get rid of people who challenge it. I’ve seen this happen before. Even some multiplayer games (with in-game voice chat) require you to communicate with your team mates and if you don’t, they just kick you from the group. Perhaps you can find some text based multiplayer games and communities to join? Like Bimini said in her reply to you above, gaming communities can be very ruthless. I hope you can find what you’re looking for. ~Mystrose

2 Likes

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for your post and Welcome to Heartsupport, Reading your post it must be very hard to explain to people what selective mutism is and how it makes you feel and frustrating when it is not understood. I don’t know much about gaming at all, It is not somthing I get involved with but I am sorry that people have not got the patience to take the time to hear you or help you to fit in and feel comfortable enough to start speaking. I did however see you on the heart support stream and it was lovely to see you interacting with us all there. It was a real joy to know that you felt accepted here with us with no fear of judgement or exclusion. I hope with the help of some of the others here that are gamers you can find games that you enjoy and that you take part in and feel comfortable and of course hang around here making friends, You are loved and valued. Lisalovedfeathers. x

1 Like

From: Mamadien

Hello TheQuietKelsey. I’m so sorry that you have had difficulty with using voice channels online. As I have come to understand (though I don’t game), being active on the voice channel is often required with many games. I suspect there are rules that go with that and is probably a big part of why you were banned. I’m so sorry. Have you looked for games where you can use text channels only? My. other thought is that if you would like to increase your confidence with speaking on voice channels - can you join a community where you are able to use both chat and text to communicate? Perhaps a channel to just talk about topics you are interested in? It’s just an idea. I was thinking that if you made a small goal of talking for just a few minutes in a community chat and became comfortable with it, you could slowly build on that confidence. Either way - I’m glad you posted and let us know how you are doing.

2 Likes

The channels I was banned from, the game that we play has a text channel built in, it’s similar to Among Us, but it’s called Goose Goose Duck, they don’t even have to look in a different place for my messages, it’s already built in the game.

I used to think I was not good at writing when I was younger, but I used to write poems or thoughts down on paper. I never said I wanted to be good at writing but when I did write anything I would try to make it sound like my story but was too afraid that someone would find it. So I would try to add some type of ending to that story I was talking about. In the end I started to enjoy writings and would look forward to my trips to San Jose to visit my grandmother when she was still alive. Basically what I am saying is that, you might not think you are good at journal writing or any other type of writings but the truth is that you are writing and fourteen is a lot so it also sounds like you like it a lot. Keep it going and hopefully it s helping you relieve some stress. Happy fourth.

1 Like

some excellent replies here…

Just wanted to state in clearly and plainly for ya :slight_smile:
WE want you here, and we’re glad you’re here with us too! You express yourself through your writing pretty well too!

HeartSupport has actions groups, maybe that could be on assistance to you? If you’re on discord, chat with some of the leads, and see if it sounds like something that you could work with to build your confidence in speaking in a vc maybe!

You’ve loved and you matter, just as you are :slight_smile:

1 Like

Hey @TheQuietKelsey,

I am so very sorry to hear that you’ve been outcasted somehow from these communities. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and communicating through text is as valid as any other mean of communication!

I am 29 and have also struggled throughout my life with selective mutism. I can’t even always explain why it’s there at times, but it definitely requires me to feel safe enough to actually talk openly, especially in a small group and online. It can be so intimidating to have to speak with a bunch of strangers, and part of me wishes I had the ability to be very talkative and bubbly without feeling so insecure. I’ve had mostly negative experiences with the way this was perceived and received by others than positive ones. People generally don’t understand how someone can go suddenly into full no speaking mode while they have the ability to do so. It’s not that we don’t want to, it’s just that it becomes physically impossible.

But I can assure one thing though: here in this community, you will never be shamed for needing to use text messages, and actually our Discord groups can be some safe places for you to learn to practice at your own pace too. I personally use my microphone sometimes, and sometimes not. No one ever made a big deal of it at all and just welcomed me as I am, always. That applies to you too, friend.

It is so hard to navigate in a world that values speaking before any other way to communicate. It’s hard to feel like we belong and resist the urge to hide and remain silent. I promise you that you belong though, and being a select mute is not wrong at all. It is the world and people around you who need to adapt and facilitate communication with you so you are fully included in the activities you like. There are people in this world who are willing to take the time and patient with people like us. There are a lot of people who also don’t. Somehow, this acts as a filter for who would be deserving of your time and energy or not.

You are not weird or to be ashamed in any way. You being you, being just as you are, is absolutely enough and perfect. And from one select mute to another, I want you to know that there is hope for things to get better, and for you to learn to overcome these barriers here and there, with the right people, in the right environment, and with patience given to yourself.

Thank you so much for reaching out about this here and being your vulnerable self. I rarely hear people sharing about this struggle, and it helps me feel less alone as well. That’s how much of an impact your words have, could they be spoken out loud or written in a text message. You are seen, you are loved and your presence makes a difference in this world. :hrtlegolove:

1 Like

That’s great! Having any outlet to express feelings, including here, is a great way to gain ground in satisfying your desire to be heard. I find that if I write lyrics, which are basically poems, really helps me personally. Even if I don’t share them with anyone, I have the satisfaction that my feelings are more than just something trapped inside of me.

How are you doing today? What are you thinking/feeling?

I hope today is a better day than how you felt when you initially posted this thread.

2 Likes

@TheQuietKelsey Hello friend, how are you doing lately? Hoping to see an update and hear how you are doing. Hoping for better days for you!

2 Likes

Eh IG, really tired. Either I caught something or it’s from all the stress in my life rn, I can’t sleep, I can’t keep food down, headaches all the time. Hru

1 Like

I’m sorry to hear that @TheQuietKelsey . I hope you get some downtime and rest and feel better soon. I know it is a beast to deal with when you cannot even sleep even when you are exhausted and I cannot imagine not being able to eat on top of that. Stress definitely can do horrific things to one’s self. Take good care and keep us informed how you fare in the coming days.

2 Likes

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this @TheQuietKelsey. Whether it is stress or something health-related, make sure to rest your body as much as possible, because it seems to be working a lot right now. I’ve been personally through an entire week of high anxiety to the point of being unable to sleep and eat, and just feeling overall exhausted. Spending a day in bed unapologetically was necessary, and even though it doesn’t solve everything, it gives back a little energy to the body at least. It’s okay to take care of yourself. I hope these symptoms will lessen as soon as possible and your recovery goes smoothly. :hrtlegolove:

1 Like

This topic was automatically closed after 365 days. New replies are no longer allowed.